It's just one of those things you don't adequately appreciate until it's gone. Now don't misunderstand me, Nick is my best friend (second only to my Savior). I wouldn't be marrying him otherwise.
However...there's just something unique and special about the bond between a girl and her girl friends. It's hard to beat the laughs or tears shared over a glass of wine or a margarita about things only your girls understand! I've come to the realization that you just can't replace your college friends, who become more like sisters in those few years. I think living so far from them has just hit me pretty hard finally.
I just long for the sweet, trusting, dependent, sincere friendships I shared with those girls. It's not easy to move somewhere so far from friends and family and not be able to develop those relationships. I just miss girls' night out, girl trips, women's Bible study, wine & movie nights, dance parties, and those special heart-to-hearts, as cheesy as it sounds. There's nothing like wedding planning to make you miss close friends to share it all with...My manly fiancé is only interested in so many details, haha.
So the prayers continue....I know God has a plan for this. My greatest desire in these selfish thoughts is to have the blessing of bring a good friend to someone else. God has given me the spiritual gift of encouragement, and I just don't feel that I'm using it to it's full potential right now. Maybe He wants me to lean more heavily on His friendship...to which none other can compare. Maybe He wants me to focus on my best friend as we prepare to spend our lives together. Maybe He is preparing my heart to be a friend to someone that desperately needs it.
In other news...I survived my first week of third grade!!! My students are so fun, but we've got a lot of work to do. I pray for them daily...pray that they will see Jesus through my every word and action.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
1 down...approximately 35 to go.
TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF MY FIRST YEAR OF TEACHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...well kinda...I still have Flex days, but they don't really count.
*long, slow, deep breath* It has been a phenomenal year. I don't even know where to begin.
We'll start with a few lessons learned:
-ALWAYS take ziploc baggies on long bus rides for children like myself who get motion sick.
-brainwashing is effective. gig 'em ags.
-if you don't dedicate time to teaching them to tie their shoes, you're gonna have to do it the whole year.
-get a flu shot. or get the flu.
-hugs are my favorite. even if they're at my knees.
-if you give a 5-year-old a gluestick, they may eat it. if you give them rubber bands, they WILL shoot each other in the face.
-you can learn a lot about life (yours and everyone else's) around a teacher lunch table.
-Panhandle temperatures below freezing=no recess=two looooooooooooooooooong months.
-there is no easy way to eat a cupcake, especially when you're 5.
-being left-handed is surely a handicap...because it is extremely difficult to teach.
-spills are part of life. an excessive part of life in kindergarten.
-if you ask 5-year-olds to perform on stage, someone is absolutely going to lift their skirt, pick their nose, or have to go pee.
-everything can directly relate to Justin Bieber.
-"If I lived in a castle..." is a writing prompt that will likely lead to sentences like "I would sleep with Justin Bieber" or "I would have a beer with Justin Bieber."
-"Miss Walker!!!! Poker face starts with 'P' too!!!"
-if somebody "said the 'F' word", it was probably "dumb" or "stupid"...and I should probably do a better job of teaching initial sounds in words
-I work with the MOST amazing people...I can't even adequately express my gratitude for how they have guided me through my first year and welcomed me into this community...
-it is so good to be back in small town Texas. even if everyone knows your name, your past, your present, and your future. or think they do anyway.
-at any time of day or night that you go to the grocery store, you will know at least one person.
-running is good for the body, mind, and soul. until you see a skunk, have to dodge a biker, or run consistently against 30 mph winds.
-I picked a great year to be a new Aggie in Raiderland :)
-there are some things around the house that men are just better at.
-a mustang doesn't handle snow well...at all.
-if you lose your keys...dang...just don't lose your keys.
-the greatest of friends come in all ages and stages of life
-a child is so fragile, so impressionable, with knowledge so underestimated
-teaching a child to read opens up their world and lights up their eyes
-patience is true love in action
God is so good, so faithful, so wonderful. His mercy never ceases to amaze me. This first year in the "real world" has taught me so much about myself...who I am in my Savior. I have never felt so in step with Christ, moment by moment...leaning on Him when my patience, body, and spirit are weak...yearning for His Word...pleading on bended knee for His reassurance and direction...relishing in His love and affection.
In the absence of my family and best of friends, my Heavenly Father has made me so dependent on Him. I have tasted the sweetness of His faithfulness and goodness...the words "'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" have never meant so much. I took such a leap of faith this time one year ago. One of the excerpts from my devotional describes that leap and this year so perfectly, "A little girl trusts her daddy so completely because she has no reason not too. He stands away from the edge of the bed that she stands on and continues to back away, calling her to jump to him...and so she soars, and so she flies...and so he catches her. And the two rejoice at the wedding of her trust and his faithfulness."
If He called me to leave this place, I would get in the car and drive. If He called me to change careers, I would not hesitate. Instead, He has called me to trust.
So instead of planning, I have surrendered...
I have renewed my contract.
I have fallen completely in love with my best friend.
I have formed new friendships.
I have demanded more of my body than I thought possible.
I have learned patience.
I have renewed my faith and commitment to Him.
He has stolen my heart, my plans, my future, and turned my world upside down. I have the God of all "as my pinch-hitter, my lawyer, my dad, my biggest fan, and my best friend." Sacred delight is a moment by moment decision, and more of a blessing than I could ever have imagined.
...well kinda...I still have Flex days, but they don't really count.
*long, slow, deep breath* It has been a phenomenal year. I don't even know where to begin.
We'll start with a few lessons learned:
-ALWAYS take ziploc baggies on long bus rides for children like myself who get motion sick.
-brainwashing is effective. gig 'em ags.
-if you don't dedicate time to teaching them to tie their shoes, you're gonna have to do it the whole year.
-get a flu shot. or get the flu.
-hugs are my favorite. even if they're at my knees.
-if you give a 5-year-old a gluestick, they may eat it. if you give them rubber bands, they WILL shoot each other in the face.
-you can learn a lot about life (yours and everyone else's) around a teacher lunch table.
-Panhandle temperatures below freezing=no recess=two looooooooooooooooooong months.
-there is no easy way to eat a cupcake, especially when you're 5.
-being left-handed is surely a handicap...because it is extremely difficult to teach.
-spills are part of life. an excessive part of life in kindergarten.
-if you ask 5-year-olds to perform on stage, someone is absolutely going to lift their skirt, pick their nose, or have to go pee.
-everything can directly relate to Justin Bieber.
-"If I lived in a castle..." is a writing prompt that will likely lead to sentences like "I would sleep with Justin Bieber" or "I would have a beer with Justin Bieber."
-"Miss Walker!!!! Poker face starts with 'P' too!!!"
-if somebody "said the 'F' word", it was probably "dumb" or "stupid"...and I should probably do a better job of teaching initial sounds in words
-I work with the MOST amazing people...I can't even adequately express my gratitude for how they have guided me through my first year and welcomed me into this community...
-it is so good to be back in small town Texas. even if everyone knows your name, your past, your present, and your future. or think they do anyway.
-at any time of day or night that you go to the grocery store, you will know at least one person.
-running is good for the body, mind, and soul. until you see a skunk, have to dodge a biker, or run consistently against 30 mph winds.
-I picked a great year to be a new Aggie in Raiderland :)
-there are some things around the house that men are just better at.
-a mustang doesn't handle snow well...at all.
-if you lose your keys...dang...just don't lose your keys.
-the greatest of friends come in all ages and stages of life
-a child is so fragile, so impressionable, with knowledge so underestimated
-teaching a child to read opens up their world and lights up their eyes
-patience is true love in action
God is so good, so faithful, so wonderful. His mercy never ceases to amaze me. This first year in the "real world" has taught me so much about myself...who I am in my Savior. I have never felt so in step with Christ, moment by moment...leaning on Him when my patience, body, and spirit are weak...yearning for His Word...pleading on bended knee for His reassurance and direction...relishing in His love and affection.
In the absence of my family and best of friends, my Heavenly Father has made me so dependent on Him. I have tasted the sweetness of His faithfulness and goodness...the words "'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" have never meant so much. I took such a leap of faith this time one year ago. One of the excerpts from my devotional describes that leap and this year so perfectly, "A little girl trusts her daddy so completely because she has no reason not too. He stands away from the edge of the bed that she stands on and continues to back away, calling her to jump to him...and so she soars, and so she flies...and so he catches her. And the two rejoice at the wedding of her trust and his faithfulness."
If He called me to leave this place, I would get in the car and drive. If He called me to change careers, I would not hesitate. Instead, He has called me to trust.
So instead of planning, I have surrendered...
I have renewed my contract.
I have fallen completely in love with my best friend.
I have formed new friendships.
I have demanded more of my body than I thought possible.
I have learned patience.
I have renewed my faith and commitment to Him.
He has stolen my heart, my plans, my future, and turned my world upside down. I have the God of all "as my pinch-hitter, my lawyer, my dad, my biggest fan, and my best friend." Sacred delight is a moment by moment decision, and more of a blessing than I could ever have imagined.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Black and White
God bless those little children.
I've probably added 5+ years to my life simply by teaching them for a mere 7 months.
From observing children, I remember how everything in childhood was so black and white. Proof as follows...
"Don't be ridiculous! If you don't go to college, you will be homeless. Do you know what that means?! You have to sleep in the middle of the street NAKED."
"Miss Walker...you know that if it's not sweet, I don't want to eat it for snack."
"You CANNOT be serious. Pick one...you can't like the Red Raiders AND the Aggies."
"Miss Walker! I picked up his crayon for him! He said thank you! I feel good!"
"If you do not share that book with me, I just don't think you love God."
You believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter bunny...or you didn't.
You simply adored school, or you hated it.
There were foods you inhaled, and those you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
Animals called for hugs and smiles, or fear and tears.
And the simple thoughts, words, and actions of children are so applicable to the most important things in life. "Assuredly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." Mark 10:15
I was sitting in a Bible class on Sunday, when a discussion began about people who do not take all of the Bible literally, that time frames may not be equivalent to our time frames, or that there may be some "inaccuracies." The first thing that always enters my mind is...how can you believe some, but not all? How can you accept that God created, but not that He performed miracles? How can you not believe that He could do anything? When people begin deep theological discussions, I can't help but shy away. I have a simple faith...faith based on my testimony and salvation experience. The blood of the Sacrificial Lamb, God who humbled himself and walked on Earth as a man, was shed for the remission of sins...for those who desire to receive the gift of God. Out of gratitude for a gift that we are not worthy of and could never repay, we live to glorify Him...through a consistent heart of worship, through marriage that reflects the perfect relationship of Christ and His Bride the Church or through full devotion to him in singleness, through a heart of servitude, and through unconditional love and uncontainable joy.
When I think about trying to "prove Christ" many C.S. Lewis quotes also come to mind...
"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him; I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon, or you can fall at his feet and claim him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."
- C. S. Lewis
So there it is...either you accept all of it...or you can't accept any of it. And how can you not accept it? Lewis also said "...if the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning..." Powerful truth.
I've started a new Bible study on my own that had a very relevant analogy. I am very much a daddy's girl, so I could totally relate...a little girl jumps from the bed or off a diving board into her daddy's arms. She looks at him, giggles, and jumps without hesitation. She trusts him because he has never given her a reason not to. "And so she soars, and so she flies...and so he catches her and the two rejoice at the wedding of her trust and his faithfulness." Those simple words brought tears to my eyes...I do not question anything about the majesty, omniscence, omnipotence, etc. of Christ but I worry, which is doubting Him...when he has never given me a reason not to trust him. And every time I take a leap of faith landing sweetly in His faithful arms, I am so embarrassed that I was ever concerned about anything.
And at the end of it all, what questions will you be asking when you gaze upon the face of the Savior for the first time? Will there be anything more important at that moment than falling prostrate at the feet of Jesus? Will there be any thought in your mind other than overwhelming joy, humility, gratitude, devotion, adoration, praise, and love?
"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"
-C. S. Lewis
I've probably added 5+ years to my life simply by teaching them for a mere 7 months.
From observing children, I remember how everything in childhood was so black and white. Proof as follows...
"Don't be ridiculous! If you don't go to college, you will be homeless. Do you know what that means?! You have to sleep in the middle of the street NAKED."
"Miss Walker...you know that if it's not sweet, I don't want to eat it for snack."
"You CANNOT be serious. Pick one...you can't like the Red Raiders AND the Aggies."
"Miss Walker! I picked up his crayon for him! He said thank you! I feel good!"
"If you do not share that book with me, I just don't think you love God."
You believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter bunny...or you didn't.
You simply adored school, or you hated it.
There were foods you inhaled, and those you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
Animals called for hugs and smiles, or fear and tears.
And the simple thoughts, words, and actions of children are so applicable to the most important things in life. "Assuredly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it." Mark 10:15
I was sitting in a Bible class on Sunday, when a discussion began about people who do not take all of the Bible literally, that time frames may not be equivalent to our time frames, or that there may be some "inaccuracies." The first thing that always enters my mind is...how can you believe some, but not all? How can you accept that God created, but not that He performed miracles? How can you not believe that He could do anything? When people begin deep theological discussions, I can't help but shy away. I have a simple faith...faith based on my testimony and salvation experience. The blood of the Sacrificial Lamb, God who humbled himself and walked on Earth as a man, was shed for the remission of sins...for those who desire to receive the gift of God. Out of gratitude for a gift that we are not worthy of and could never repay, we live to glorify Him...through a consistent heart of worship, through marriage that reflects the perfect relationship of Christ and His Bride the Church or through full devotion to him in singleness, through a heart of servitude, and through unconditional love and uncontainable joy.
When I think about trying to "prove Christ" many C.S. Lewis quotes also come to mind...
"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him; I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept his claim to be God. That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon, or you can fall at his feet and claim him Lord and God, but let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about his being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."
- C. S. Lewis
So there it is...either you accept all of it...or you can't accept any of it. And how can you not accept it? Lewis also said "...if the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning..." Powerful truth.
I've started a new Bible study on my own that had a very relevant analogy. I am very much a daddy's girl, so I could totally relate...a little girl jumps from the bed or off a diving board into her daddy's arms. She looks at him, giggles, and jumps without hesitation. She trusts him because he has never given her a reason not to. "And so she soars, and so she flies...and so he catches her and the two rejoice at the wedding of her trust and his faithfulness." Those simple words brought tears to my eyes...I do not question anything about the majesty, omniscence, omnipotence, etc. of Christ but I worry, which is doubting Him...when he has never given me a reason not to trust him. And every time I take a leap of faith landing sweetly in His faithful arms, I am so embarrassed that I was ever concerned about anything.
And at the end of it all, what questions will you be asking when you gaze upon the face of the Savior for the first time? Will there be anything more important at that moment than falling prostrate at the feet of Jesus? Will there be any thought in your mind other than overwhelming joy, humility, gratitude, devotion, adoration, praise, and love?
"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?"
-C. S. Lewis
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2011?!
2010 was definitely an awesome rebound from 2009! It has had it's share of pain, and more "Leaps of Faith" than I ever thought possible...but I think I'll call it "The Year of Second Chances."
Some of my favorite memories:
Some of my favorite memories:
- Ringing in the New Year in dowtown Dallas with some of my favorite people in the whole world.
- PBR Rodeo at Cowboys Stadium & Cowboys afterward with my girls
- Spring Break on the beach - crazy, crazy, crazy.
- filling a weekly obsession with country dancing...Dallas, Ft. Worth, Sherman, Terrell, New Braunfels, College Station, Huntsville...
- Motorcross race weekend in Dallas with my sweet boyfriend...and Pete's Piano bar afterward with my cousin!
- Chilifest...Team Keystone Lake & Resort...enough said.
- Bridget's Aggie Ring Weekend!
- becoming a VIP/"penguin" at Harry's...I just love to dance.
- Surprising Nick at the River Trip
- Family reunion at the lake
- finding real, unconditional love
- "Does this shirt make me look tall?"
- weekends in the country with Britt's family
- River trip/Shiner Brewery tour with my girls
- 3 day driving escapade across Texas for job interviews
- Estes Park, CO with Julie and Jenn...what an awesome place to see the glory of my Savior!
- DeJong 25th Anniversary party
- Walker family reunion
- 1/2 of my first year as a teacher! and a Kindergarten teacher at that!
- the great move to the Panhandle...better known as Antarctica, TX.
- seeing Easton Corbin live
- getting back into running!
- surprise birthday trip to Colorado Springs with my sweet Nick!
- going home at Thanksgiving for the first time in a while
- Poncho!!!
- reunion weekend in College Station with my girls!
- Christmas break with my amazing family
So 2011, I don't know how you arrived so quickly, but I welcome you with open arms. I am in a career that I love, in a place that I love, near a man that I love, supported by a family I love, and under the watchful eye of the God of love. It doesn't get much better than that! Oddly enough (and a good way to start the new year), I was in staff development today with a speaker specializing in brain development and how to use that in the classroom. Little did I know how applicable it would be to my own life. The memory and brain develop through 5 important things; talking (I'm already pretty good at that), moving (good thing I've rediscovered a love for running- teaching Kindergarten might help that too haha), connecting (new information, old information, memories, etc), thinking positively (confidence and less stress/anger/fear), and having a purpose (find what and who you love).
So after some thinking and praying I've made some decisions for the new year...I refuse to call it "New Year's Resolutions" but rather a change of heart.
talking- Most of the time I'd rather just have surface conversations, short in duration and about nothing much deeper than the weather. That's not loving people as Christ loved people...I think it's time I open up a little.
moving- I teach Kindergarten...I am constantly moving. And I'm back into distance running, so hopefully this one is taking care of itself.
connecting- I love to write, so I'll be trying to use my blog and journal more often for thinking through my thoughts and ideas...and to have them for looking back on later.
thinking positively- I have improved so much in this area. I think it helps that the man I adore doesn't have a negative bone in his body and being around 19 of the most joyful people every day for 8 hours :) Life's too short to be upset. Little things that used to matter, just don't matter so much anymore. I'd rather delight in the joy my Savior brings.
having a purpose- to glorify God. I thought it was interesting that this was such a huge factor. People without a purpose live much shorter lives than people who determine and pursue a purpose. I'm reminding myself everyday to walk closely with my sweet Jesus and entrust Him with every future moment. I even taped a reminder on my bathroom mirror, so that I will read it every morning.
Each day, I'll be putting on the full armor of God and a smile...so 2011...bring on the blessings and joy!
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