2011?!

2010 was definitely an awesome rebound from 2009! It has had it's share of pain, and more "Leaps of Faith" than I ever thought possible...but I think I'll call it "The Year of Second Chances."
Some of my favorite memories:

• Ringing in the New Year in dowtown Dallas with some of my favorite people in the whole world.
• PBR Rodeo at Cowboys Stadium & Cowboys afterward with my girls
• Spring Break on the beach - crazy, crazy, crazy.
• filling a weekly obsession with country dancing...Dallas, Ft. Worth, Sherman, Terrell, New Braunfels, College Station, Huntsville...
• Motorcross race weekend in Dallas with my sweet boyfriend...and Pete's Piano bar afterward with my cousin!
• Chilifest...Team Keystone Lake & Resort...enough said.
• Bridget's Aggie Ring Weekend!
• becoming a VIP/"penguin" at Harry's...I just love to dance.
• Surprising Nick at the River Trip
• Family reunion at the lake
• finding real, unconditional love
• "Does this shirt make me look tall?"
• weekends in the country with Britt's family
• River trip/Shiner Brewery tour with my girls
• 3 day driving escapade across Texas for job interviews
• Estes Park, CO with Julie and Jenn...what an awesome place to see the glory of my Savior!
• DeJong 25th Anniversary party
• Walker family reunion
• 1/2 of my first year as a teacher! and a Kindergarten teacher at that!
• the great move to the Panhandle...better known as Antarctica, TX.
• seeing Easton Corbin live
• getting back into running!
• surprise birthday trip to Colorado Springs with my sweet Nick!
• going home at Thanksgiving for the first time in a while
• Poncho!!!
• reunion weekend in College Station with my girls!
• Christmas break with my amazing family

So 2011, I don't know how you arrived so quickly, but I welcome you with open arms. I am in a career that I love, in a place that I love, near a man that I love, supported by a family I love, and under the watchful eye of the God of love. It doesn't get much better than that! Oddly enough (and a good way to start the new year), I was in staff development today with a speaker specializing in brain development and how to use that in the classroom. Little did I know how applicable it would be to my own life. The memory and brain develop through 5 important things; talking (I'm already pretty good at that), moving (good thing I've rediscovered a love for running- teaching Kindergarten might help that too haha), connecting (new information, old information, memories, etc), thinking positively (confidence and less stress/anger/fear), and having a purpose (find what and who you love).

So after some thinking and praying I've made some decisions for the new year...I refuse to call it "New Year's Resolutions" but rather a change of heart.

talking- Most of the time I'd rather just have surface conversations, short in duration and about nothing much deeper than the weather. That's not loving people as Christ loved people...I think it's time I open up a little.

moving- I teach Kindergarten...I am constantly moving. And I'm back into distance running, so hopefully this one is taking care of itself.

connecting- I love to write, so I'll be trying to use my blog and journal more often for thinking through my thoughts and ideas...and to have them for looking back on later.

thinking positively- I have improved so much in this area. I think it helps that the man I adore doesn't have a negative bone in his body and being around 19 of the most joyful people every day for 8 hours :) Life's too short to be upset. Little things that used to matter, just don't matter so much anymore. I'd rather delight in the joy my Savior brings.

having a purpose- to glorify God. I thought it was interesting that this was such a huge factor. People without a purpose live much shorter lives than people who determine and pursue a purpose. I'm reminding myself everyday to walk closely with my sweet Jesus and entrust Him with every future moment. I even taped a reminder on my bathroom mirror, so that I will read it every morning.

Each day, I'll be putting on the full armor of God and a smile...so 2011...bring on the blessings and joy!

Look forward to lookin' back with you...

Ohhhh life...the pace has definitely changed since my move up here to God's country, but I still don't even have time to keep up my blog...



I made a crazy last minute trip to Dallas this weekend to see one of my best friends and have my heart broken by my Aggies once again...so we'll just say it was to see one of my best friends :) In my 14 hours of driving, I had a lot of time to think and reflect. In a couple of weeks, I will be 23 and quite bit has happened in this 23rd year of my life. If I could sum it all up in one word, it would be...



Trust.



What I once thought was true love based on real trust was irreparably damaged by a shaky foundation...so I turned to friends...

I found the sweet trusting relationship of a group of sisters...not by blood, but by choice...

Once again, that trust was damaged in some of those relationships...but some of them are forever...

I forced myself into dating that my heart was not ready for...trust that my heart was not ready for...

So I turned to my family...those four people that love me unconditionally and eternally...those four people that pointed my directly to my heavenly Father...the only one who is fully deserving of my trust...the One who will never fail.



And then when I was ready, He brought someone else into my life...someone who took all of my post-graduation plans, shook them up, and landed me in Dalhart, Texas. But really, he was just a vessel being used by Christ because I know without a doubt this is where God wants me to be. Even on my hardest days of missing family and friends, I know that His purpose for me being here is bigger than my fears and insecurities. I have the love of a real man...a man who has become my best friend...a man who is so trustworthy and deserving of my whole heart. Having realized this, it has become so important that Christ remain the foundation of our relationship as we patiently wait for Him to prepare our hearts for whatever He has for our relationship and each of our lives.



I love Kindergarten. I didn't think I would possibly survive this year...I'm only two months in, but these precious children have stolen my heart. Every day I count my blessings and praise God for the family I was raised in. It has become even more clear that my attitude sets the tone for my classroom...and more than anything I pray that is an attitude of love and service. I pray for my students daily...they are so deserving of every good and perfect gift from God, as they have already been such precious gifts in my life. And here's what being in the will of God will get you:

-Within one week of teaching, the assistant principal passed me and said, "some people just have what it takes and you've got it! you're totally a natural!"

-The technology director met me in passing and just needed to mention that he had heard I was doing an outstanding job.

-My first 10-minute walkthrough observation was two weeks ago by the assistant principal. As she was leaving the room she said, "You make me want to skip the rest. You're fantastic and I know others won't go nearly this well."

-The P.E. coach grabbed me in the hall, "I heard some nasty rumor that you're a first year teacher?! That absolutely cannot be possible..."

-19 out of 19 parents during conferences this week said that their child LOVES coming to school...what more could a teacher ask for?

And none of those things is to my credit...all glory to God because without him I'm not sure I could put up with 19 five-year-olds on a daily basis. It is such an awesome challenge to keep these young children engaged and loving learning...and much less of a challenge for them to keep me entertained! Ha! We're headed to the Pumpkin Patch next week, then it's Red Ribbon Week, Halloween, etc...I think it's safe to assume that my currently hectic life is about to become chaotic.

On the personal life side of things...I've found some great, inspirational women. In fact, they are so inspirational, I've agreed to participate in a half marathon on May 1st in Colorado!!! We've already been training for a little over a month, and so far I love it. But running is not the only time I've enjoyed spending with them...thank God for kind, caring people. My roommate and I are reserved seat season ticket holders for the Dalhart Golden Wolves football team--it's not A&M, but it's football :) So between marathon training, hanging out with the girls, lesson planning, spending time with one amazing guy, being a grown up, driving all over the place just to find Walmart, going to bed at 9:00, and staying in touch with family and friends...life is pretty crazy, but I guess that's the way I prefer it! I'm certainly looking forward to heading home this weekend to some people I love and miss very much...no complaints! God is so good!

Welcome to Kindergarten

So I'm beyond exhaustion...definitely too tired for this blogging...but I also don't want to have to repeat the stories 900 times. lol...so here it is:

6:00 am...wake up and prepare for the day...beginning on my knees in the presence of my Savior...because more than being a good teacher, I want to be the example of Christ to these children--to show them they are loved by at least one person in this world.

7:15 am...arrive at school and prepare for the day...and my first child shows up at 7:45ish soooo excited for life!

By 8:00, my class was full of 19 5&6 years olds. Our principal wrote a grant for free breakfast every day for the entire school because children cannot learn effectively if they are hungry. Today we had cereal with milk and orange juice...let me clarify, the children were allowed to eat DRY cereal and drink the milk to prevent many messes. HOWEVER...within the first 15 minutes of breakfast, we had 4 bowls of dry cereal spilled all over the floor and 1 juice box...making a pretty sticky mess. We actually accomplished much more than I anticipated! There is an aid in my classroom for the first two days and she insisted that I couldn't possibly be a first year teacher...everything was running much too smoothly, which made me feel very good. It makes things easier when you're doing something you were created to do :)

We had a meet your table-mates session in which each student did a puzzle of a picture of someone at their table...which created mass confusion because they thought the picture was supposed to be of themselves and that I had just really messed up. Then we had a meet the teacher session where each child had a picture of something about me (fav drink-Dr. Pepper, my best friends, my fav book- the Bible, my Dad, my Mom, my sisters, my pets, me in Kindergarten, etc.), which they absolutely loved!...especially knowing that their teacher was in kindergarten once upon a time ;)

Kindergarten is so interesting. They say the most hilarious things ("class lets create some rules for our classroom! give me an example" response: "don't throw rocks in the classroom!!!")...which will be documented throughout this blog...and they are really still babies. I had so many parents describe their child's special "potty dance," which has become high priority during my daily general observation for obvious reason, haha. At 11:15, I went to pick my class up from specials (P.E., music, computers, library) and several of them hugged me and looked at me and SHOUTED..."MISS WALKER!!!! We are sooooo excited to see you!!!" They are just too sweet and have stolen my heart already. One of my favorite things??? NOBODY is too cool for anything in Kindergarten. Their favorite part of the day was singing and dancing with me to a four line song about how we get to school! They probably would have done the song 800 times if I'd let them...it's the little things.

I just knew the morning went way too smoothly. We was about 15 minutes late to lunch because we were so engaged in learning...and because Miss Walker looked at the wrong lunch time :) Then, the school blew a transformer, so electricity went out all over the building. Meanwhile, the teacher's aid in my classroom was on the verge of losing conciousness from diabetic shock. I had no juice or candy in the room (which didn't even occur to me anyway until another teacher said it), so I was frantically running around the classrooms...great. And then I went back to teaching.

My students are precious. Their moods change at the drop of a hat and they will do ANYTHING to please the teacher. Every student demanded that I see every picture and paper that they completed. I have a couple of "energetic" ones...one who would probably walk backwards everywhere if I let him, one who insists on not listening and then telling me that he IS listening after I've asked for his attention for the third time, and a couple of very social butterflies...but I just adore every single one of them. When they get to go to the group carpet, it usually becomes a little chaotic, so I decided to create a masking tape grid so that every student would have a certain "spot" tomorrow...if necessary (or legal or socially acceptable) I would have a shock collar or hot wire fence grid because I think that would be very effective, hahaha---very much just kidding. And by the end of the day I learned they all have their trying side...I have cute name plates on their desks that were pretty pricey, so I had them laminated to be reusable. Each students name was written on them this morning, and as a I walked around this afternoon, not one name was one them...they wiped every single one off...hilarious. NOT. So I rewrote and TAPED over them. We'll see how they creatively undo that tomorrow.



So I left day one (at 6 pm) with:
green paint on my dress pants
a sore hand from class high fives gone wrong
heavy eyelids
sore feet
a semi-sore throat
"The first child gets to ride the bus" (to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb) stuck in my head
a new knowledge for taking care of people with diabetes
a new appreciation for air conditioning
"lunch is at 11:30, not 12:10" engraved on my mind
a hatred for tying shoelaces
a new appreciation for parents
19 new loves in my life :)

time for bed...seriously...more to come

The Bucket List

That's right, it's time. I'm about to head out on my own and there are just a few things I'd like to accomplish...

(in no particular order)

1. teach

2. learn to play guitar

3. sing karaoke

4. go skydiving

5. learn to ski

6. go on a cooking vacation/take gourmet cooking classes

7. go on a cruise

8. volunteer in an orphanage

9. get married

10. have children

11. go scuba diving

12. learn to drive a stick shift

13. read the entire Bible

14. go deep sea fishing

15. go parasailing

16. swim with dolphins

17. run a half marathon/marathon

18. be a mentor to someone

19. wine tasting

20. own a horse

21. see a waterfall

22. go on a picnic

23. visit a castle

24. visit a brewery

25. visit another country

26. go horsebacking riding on a beach

27. visit a famous art gallery/museum

28. ride a mechanical bull

29. have a garden

30. have a carefree, tropical vacation

31. become an early riser

32. stop worrying about things beyond my control

33. donate blood....lol

34. create something

35. own a home...with a huge bathtub :)

36. make at least one person smile every day

37. see a Broadway play

38. have a wraparound porch

39. own a boat

40. go to a drive in movie

41. fix up an old house

42. learn to ride a dirt bike

well that's a pretty good start..and of course...may God be glorified in and through every single one of those things...

...and after doing that, I feel like I haven't lived, haha. But there are things I have already done that would have made it on the list...so I'll just consider them accomplished :)

It's a beautiful thing...

It's a beautiful thing when you are drawing nearer to Christ, and He reveals more of Himself to you.

I'm reading a book right now called "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire" by Rafe Esquith who is a nationally recognized teacher. He loves kids...period. He talks with his 5th graders about Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development. I began to think about how to best relay this information to my students, but decided I first needed to evaluate it in my own life...

1) Pre-conventional - begins with how to avoid punishment and ends with selfish ambition.

***Chores. An absolute dreaded part of everyday life when you were younger, right? Probably 90% of the motivation for any cooking or cleaning I did for the first 18 years of my life was one of two things: I feared the consequences of NOT doing them, or I wanted something in return.

2) Conventional - begins with social norms (the good boy/girl attitude) and ends with motivation from a "maintain law and order" mentality

***Then there were the times my parents would go on a date, and I would get the bright idea to clean the kitchen. When they came home, I was usually standing in the spotless kitchen with a huge smile on my face expecting a wonderful reaction. This was another motivation stemming from wanting to please my parents by being a good daughter.

3) Post-conventional - begins with recognizing individuality in the world apart from "socially accepted" ideas and ends with principles of conscience motivated by abstract, deep ideas such as...love.

***As I aged, I began to pull my own weight out of sheer love for my parents...the desire to make their lives a little easier...and the guilt associated with not doing my part. It didn't matter anymore whether they noticed; it was simply one less thing to cause them stress.

So on to another example...Most serious relationship #1: I absolutely love to serve...it's the action I use to communicate love. I would cook for him, help him clean, assist in sending resumes for jobs, send gifts, etc...too many things to list. At first I expected things in return...maybe he'll send me flowers to work? maybe he wouldn't mind helping me with a particular task? and so on....Pre-Conventional. After about a year and a half, I continued doing these things out of love, but mostly to show that I was such a great girlfriend...and would obviously make a great wife, haha. I never really made it out of this Conventional stage. And that continued through the next serious of dates/relationships (probably a lot of the reason they failed)...until recently. The Post-Conventional stage has hit me unexpectedly....I still do these things, but solely out of love for him, expecting not one thing in return. It's a wonderful, peaceful change of heart.



And then there's my Savior...I think when we are young, most people tend to be "scared" into accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior simply to escape hell (punishment), or expecting an easy life filled with blessings in return for our devotion. Pre-Conventional. As they draw nearer to Christ and realize the influence on non-Christians around them, they start to live as Christ asks to be seen as a "good Christian" or to maintain the respect of other Christians. Conventional. As you further mature in your walk with Christ, you move into the Post-Conventional stage. I am completely assured in my salvation because of my own salvation experience and the multitude of scriptures declaring this promise...but this security doesn't change the way I live my life. I live the way I do out of love and gratitude for my Savior and His sacrifice, striving to be more like Him. I know where I will be when I die, but I hope my road to that destination shows others the way also....

I have learned that life is more than following rules simply because they were "established to be followed." Some legalistic ideologies I have let go of because Christ has revealed to me that loving sinners like myself is sometimes more important. Other "rules," I have renamed "standards" in my own life," such as adhering to True Love Waits, because I know that God is and will be glorified through that. It is a fine line between being above reproach and approachable...but more than anything He has called us to love. He has called us to turn over our most prized possessions out of love for Him...for me that's the ultimate love relationship He creates for us here on Earth.


I'm simultaneously reading a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. It's about giving God this phenomenally important and stressful area of your life...what HE desires for the love relationship based in Him. Funny thing is, I tried reading this book about 2 years ago in the midst of another relationship (those of you who have been around me that long can fill in the blanks, haha), and although I'm ashamed to say it, stopped reading it because I felt convicted. This time around it's confirming so many of my feelings and thoughts...interesting...

So as I've moved into the Post-Conventional understanding of love...jealousy, being easily angered, insecurity, selfishness?...no thanks. Here's to a love that says "quit comparing yourself to others, (just like my Daddy always told me ;) I choose YOU. I want to grow old with YOU." Sound similar to the knowledge that Christ chose to die for YOU?! Here's to realizing love may not always be returned in the way you expect it, but instead in the way you need it...what if Christ decided He didn't love us because we weren't returning His love the way He expects us to? Here's to realizing what love is before you can see what it was not....to falling in love with my sweet Jesus....to letting Him show me how to fall in love.....


if it seems like that blog was all over the place, read it again...I promise it's all intertwined :)

The First Man I Ever Loved...

...the first man I gave my heart to...the one who guided my heart to my Heavenly Father..

My Daddy's hands ...there's nothing quite like them.

Those hands have given me toys, food, gifts, basketballs, show halters, medicine, tools, academic awards, "scholarships from the Bank of Dad," my High School Diploma...and scripture. All my life I have admiringly looked at his Aggie Ring...those hands put my Aggie ring on my finger and turned it to face the world after graduation.

His hands have taught me to clean, to build, to shoot hoops, to bat, to cook, to lift and carry through several moves, to cast a line, to shoot a gun, to drive...

to turn the pages of a book, to write, to pray, to protect, and to console.

Those hands held me at birth and through a few concussions and trips to the ER, congratulated me through graduations and achievements, laid on me while I asked Jesus into my heart, and enveloped me through a breaking heart.

But the hands are the observable workings of the heart....

integrity, loyalty, wisdom, perseverance, strong work ethic, wit, patience, respect, and love

...qualities woven into his very nature

...a reflection of the image of Christ.

Even to this day, he has continually reminded me, "never compare yourself to anyone. You'll lose every time." These words meant nothing when I was younger, but as we all know, as we age our parents become more wise ;) These words have been foundational to the woman I have become, specifically my individuality and determination.

As my earthly father, what an amazing glimpse at what my Heavenly Father is like!

He is country and a cowboy to the core...from ranch manager to serving public education for nearly 30 years, he knows what hard work is and always serves whole-heartedly. He is a man of few words, but always important words, with a smile and sense of humor that are infectious.

Son and Brother

My mom has always told me to observe how the men that I date treat their mothers and to know that reflects how he will treat me...which I've learned to be very true. I have watched my dad's interaction as a son and brother and pray that I will be able to raise children with that magnitude of respect.

Husband

As a husband, he loves my mom unconditionally...and has set an example of a marriage relationship firmly grounded in Christ ...an example that I will wait for in the man God has for me.

Father

As a father, he loves unconditionally, teaching unwavering principles through discipline and by example through his every word and action. He is there to calm the emotions of three daughters with amazing words of advice.

Man of God

As a man of God, his perseverance is astounding. His faithfulness in service through the Church (from youth sponsor, to sound man, to choir member, to Sunday School teacher, to committee member) and through prayer is remarkable. He has faced more persecution that any one man should have to...all without hesitation in the name of Christ.

"Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever."

-Psalm 112:6

to my hero, my protector, the Spiritual leader of his household, my confidante, my advisor...my Daddy...Happy Father's Day, now and always...

“I don’t trust happiness… Never did, and never will.”

That isn't a quote from yours truely either...I've trusted and relied on happiness too many times...

And until you've experienced the difference, this may not make much sense...

If you "google it," you will find many quotes about happiness - that wonderful warm, fuzzy feeling we all hope to find. It comes from winning a game, having a crush, being complimented, and so many other pleasant moments. It lasts for a few minutes, or maybe even a few days, and then is gone the moment something bad or unpleasant happens....it is so temporary...

Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit! I don't see "happiness" listed in there anywhere because the fruits of the Spirit are just that, OF THE SPIRIT....they are of Christ who is forever, so they are forever. Joy is experiencing God, it's a radiant smile through streams of tears, it's surviving a heartache knowing there's something better in store, it's rejoicing that a loved one is no longer in pain but rather in the prescence of the King of Kings...it's present even when that warm, fuzzy feeling is gone...and it lasts forever...

Society tells us to "be happy."
Christ tells us to "rejoice."

Look at the dictionary's listings about the feeling of happiness:
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure or contentment; a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.

What stood out in these definitions? Happiness is fleeting. We feel it about some certain thing or person. But these moods and feelings that we experience change often...they are much too unreliable...



Joy is Biblical.

Three of my favorites:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

-James 1:2

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."
—John 15:11

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory"
—1 Peter 1:8

I found a few synonyms for joy :

Humor.

If you have lived, you have (hopefully) learned to find humor in situations.

It's constant.

Treasure.

Treasure is not fortune. Treasure is something close to your heart...

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" -Luke 12:34

Mirth.

It's the ability to enjoy life and to celebrate.

If you haven't learned this as a part of your every day,

you're missing life in general.

Now follow me on this...God is love. Joy is of God. Therefore, the truest, purest Love brings ultimate Joy. So once again, this is of God and things of God.

Those fleeting moments of warm fuzzies are not Love....or Love that is meant to last anyway.

So look at the things and people that you "love"...if you can't experience joy through the moments that the warm fuzzies aren't present...you may not know my Jesus. He is the only One that brings true joy. And if you do know Him and still aren't experiencing joy in these moments...you might need to re-evaluate whether those "loves" are worth every other temporary feeling that accompany them...

So I'd choose joy over happiness any day.

All credit for those thoughts goes to my Savior...He lays it on my heart, so I write. And I'm no expert, but experience is a pretty good teacher. :)

Happy Monday? blah. Experience Joy on this Monday!