The First Man I Ever Loved...

...the first man I gave my heart to...the one who guided my heart to my Heavenly Father..

My Daddy's hands ...there's nothing quite like them.

Those hands have given me toys, food, gifts, basketballs, show halters, medicine, tools, academic awards, "scholarships from the Bank of Dad," my High School Diploma...and scripture. All my life I have admiringly looked at his Aggie Ring...those hands put my Aggie ring on my finger and turned it to face the world after graduation.

His hands have taught me to clean, to build, to shoot hoops, to bat, to cook, to lift and carry through several moves, to cast a line, to shoot a gun, to drive...

to turn the pages of a book, to write, to pray, to protect, and to console.

Those hands held me at birth and through a few concussions and trips to the ER, congratulated me through graduations and achievements, laid on me while I asked Jesus into my heart, and enveloped me through a breaking heart.

But the hands are the observable workings of the heart....

integrity, loyalty, wisdom, perseverance, strong work ethic, wit, patience, respect, and love

...qualities woven into his very nature

...a reflection of the image of Christ.

Even to this day, he has continually reminded me, "never compare yourself to anyone. You'll lose every time." These words meant nothing when I was younger, but as we all know, as we age our parents become more wise ;) These words have been foundational to the woman I have become, specifically my individuality and determination.

As my earthly father, what an amazing glimpse at what my Heavenly Father is like!

He is country and a cowboy to the core...from ranch manager to serving public education for nearly 30 years, he knows what hard work is and always serves whole-heartedly. He is a man of few words, but always important words, with a smile and sense of humor that are infectious.

Son and Brother

My mom has always told me to observe how the men that I date treat their mothers and to know that reflects how he will treat me...which I've learned to be very true. I have watched my dad's interaction as a son and brother and pray that I will be able to raise children with that magnitude of respect.

Husband

As a husband, he loves my mom unconditionally...and has set an example of a marriage relationship firmly grounded in Christ ...an example that I will wait for in the man God has for me.

Father

As a father, he loves unconditionally, teaching unwavering principles through discipline and by example through his every word and action. He is there to calm the emotions of three daughters with amazing words of advice.

Man of God

As a man of God, his perseverance is astounding. His faithfulness in service through the Church (from youth sponsor, to sound man, to choir member, to Sunday School teacher, to committee member) and through prayer is remarkable. He has faced more persecution that any one man should have to...all without hesitation in the name of Christ.

"Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever."

-Psalm 112:6

to my hero, my protector, the Spiritual leader of his household, my confidante, my advisor...my Daddy...Happy Father's Day, now and always...

“I don’t trust happiness… Never did, and never will.”

That isn't a quote from yours truely either...I've trusted and relied on happiness too many times...

And until you've experienced the difference, this may not make much sense...

If you "google it," you will find many quotes about happiness - that wonderful warm, fuzzy feeling we all hope to find. It comes from winning a game, having a crush, being complimented, and so many other pleasant moments. It lasts for a few minutes, or maybe even a few days, and then is gone the moment something bad or unpleasant happens....it is so temporary...

Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit! I don't see "happiness" listed in there anywhere because the fruits of the Spirit are just that, OF THE SPIRIT....they are of Christ who is forever, so they are forever. Joy is experiencing God, it's a radiant smile through streams of tears, it's surviving a heartache knowing there's something better in store, it's rejoicing that a loved one is no longer in pain but rather in the prescence of the King of Kings...it's present even when that warm, fuzzy feeling is gone...and it lasts forever...

Society tells us to "be happy."
Christ tells us to "rejoice."

Look at the dictionary's listings about the feeling of happiness:
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure or contentment; a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.

What stood out in these definitions? Happiness is fleeting. We feel it about some certain thing or person. But these moods and feelings that we experience change often...they are much too unreliable...



Joy is Biblical.

Three of my favorites:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

-James 1:2

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."
—John 15:11

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory"
—1 Peter 1:8

I found a few synonyms for joy :

Humor.

If you have lived, you have (hopefully) learned to find humor in situations.

It's constant.

Treasure.

Treasure is not fortune. Treasure is something close to your heart...

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" -Luke 12:34

Mirth.

It's the ability to enjoy life and to celebrate.

If you haven't learned this as a part of your every day,

you're missing life in general.

Now follow me on this...God is love. Joy is of God. Therefore, the truest, purest Love brings ultimate Joy. So once again, this is of God and things of God.

Those fleeting moments of warm fuzzies are not Love....or Love that is meant to last anyway.

So look at the things and people that you "love"...if you can't experience joy through the moments that the warm fuzzies aren't present...you may not know my Jesus. He is the only One that brings true joy. And if you do know Him and still aren't experiencing joy in these moments...you might need to re-evaluate whether those "loves" are worth every other temporary feeling that accompany them...

So I'd choose joy over happiness any day.

All credit for those thoughts goes to my Savior...He lays it on my heart, so I write. And I'm no expert, but experience is a pretty good teacher. :)

Happy Monday? blah. Experience Joy on this Monday!

1446.17 miles later...

Did I mention those 1446.17 miles were covered in 2.5 days????

College Station--> Abilene--> Seminole--> Amarillo-->Hereford--> Dalhart--> Alvardo--> College Station.

...5 interviews and approximately 25 hours of driving later...I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But before all that important stuff, here are some interesting lessons I learned:
-Texas is big...HUGE actually.
- the world is not awake at 5:15 am, therefore Jessica cannot get Dr. Pepper to be awake either.
-who needs trees when you have wind turbines?
-"west Texas" is synonymous with "nothing"
-you should have stopped at that last gas station because apparently people in west Texas do not need a lot of gas, so there will not be another one for 100 miles
-you could pass 6 cars at a time on a west Texas highway, if there were 6 cars in the whole region
-the sky is significantly larger up there
-wind turbines are hypnotizing
-these people spend more money on a courthouse than on the whole rest of the town
-Hereford, TX smells like cows...a lot...makes sense
-yes, the sunset/sunrise is gorgeous, but if you stare at it you will have to pull over and let your eyes recover
-if you are not driving a work truck or an 18-wheeler, you are obviously out of place
-driving 1.5 hours between two towns is normal...and feels like 5 hours.
-if I am ever again in Clarendon, TX, I will be staying at the "It'll Do Motel" after dinner at the "Nuttin' Fancy Cafe"
-44 ounces of Dr. Pepper makes your bladder feel like it's going to explode
-you probably cannot stop at Ft. Hood to use their restrooms even if your taxes pay for them
-singing and dancing to loud music in your car (completely making a fool of yourself) is pretty much the only way to survive 25 hours of driving
-watching a thunderstorm in that much sky is a little scarier, yet beautiful all at the same time
-I hate driving.
-cows and more cows.
-If you walk into small town Texas in a business suit where regulars are having coffee in the morning, you're probably going to hear a couple of comments. haha.
-I love kids...ALL kids. Everytime I interviewed and had a glimpse of the kids in the school, I just fell in love..they are so precious.
-There are people in the school business for the right reasons, and people in it for the wrong reasons. It's blatantly obvious who would be great to work for and who would not...
-Being an Aggie and living all over the state of Texas have proved very helpful in this job hunt. While waiting for one interview, I introduced myself to the elementary counselor who is the aunt of one of my best friends from junior high. A few seconds later, the wife of my junior high Youth Director walked through the office and recognized me! After mentioning this to the principal I was interviewing with, I find out that he is the recent father-in-law of one of my good friends from the same town!!! God is good!
-I called my mom overwhelmingly blessed by my Savior. In the course of that afternoon I lined up two more interviews...all just happened to be in the Pandhandle and none of them interfered with the others...and then read the daily Bible verse on my phone...

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or

‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans
run after all these things, and your heavenly Father

knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness, and all these things will be

given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matt. 6:31-34

...and then I burst into tears of joy...wow! what a wake-up call...

-I have applied, interviewed, and traveled all over the state in theis job hunt. When you're within the will of God, you know it....I walked out of the interview at Dalhart Elementary (with a panel of 10 INTERVIEWERS!!!!) knowing in my heart they would offer me a job....also knowing it would be an ESL position. And the next day? a job offer from Dalhart for an ESL position...hm. :)

So while it's not my ideal position...it's where I want to be. And maybe that position is where God wants me! There are possible 3rd and 2nd grade positions that I was told I could choose from if they become available, so who knows. I am just beyond thrilled to have signed a contract as a teacher...I've been waiting 22 years for this!!! It's going to be a looooong summer, haha.

Since finding out I got the job, the number 1 most annoying question I've been asked..."Why in the world Dalhart?!" Why not Dalhart??? Yes, it's 10 hours from my family and friends, but there are these things called airplanes...and they have them in Amarillo. Yes, the landscape and weather are a little different from anywhere else I've lived in Texas, but change is good. Yes, I know probably three people in the entire Pandhandle, but I've lived in several places and never have trouble building relationships. Yes, Dalhart happens to be about 15 minutes from a very important man in my life, so look at my past and call me crazy, but sometimes it's too risky not to take the chance. It's a one year contract...at the end of a year if it all falls apart...count my losses and gains. I will have loved, gained a year of teaching experience, new friends, and lived in a new and different part of my beloved state. And if you are taking the result of my past serious relationship into account, you should definitely realize this is not a decision I have taken lightly in any way. Those who know me best should know I have spent plenty of time on my knees seeking only the will of God...everything happened to fall into place and I don't believe in coincidences...

So no, I am not moving for him. I am moving for God.

“I want you to stop planning—stop wishing—

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling,

exciting plan you can imagine!!! I want you to have the best!

Please allow Me to give it to you.

You must keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am!

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

And then, when you are ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful

than anyone would ever dream of.

“Know that I love you utterly.

I am God. Believe and be satisfied.”

and love like crazy...

Keep me in your prayers...I still have to find a place to live and enter into the real world...which should be pretty entertaining, so keep reading :) HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Her children rise up and call her blessed...

Many people are much better expressing their emotions and feelings through writing than through speech, and I happen to be one of those people..



It's a mostly thankless, selfless job...and more important than any other.

From skinned knees, to brushing my teeth with hydrocortizone cream (yes it happened, and I just publicly admitted it, and yes she did call poison control), to my years of ER visits and concussions, to a shattered heart not so easily mended with medication and bandaids...she held me through every moment...enveloped not only by her arms, but by her unconditional love.


So here's to you... my mentor, my prayer warrior, my friend, my confidante, my nurturer...and always and forever...my Mom....

Mom is truly the essence of beauty inside and out. Beautiful blue eyes, amazing hair, a smile that demands reciprocation, a laugh that is so genuine and so contagious, and the voice of an angel used for praising the One who blessed her with it. She definitely knows how to enjoy life, but is one of the most selfless people I know. She loves her family (pets included, haha) whole-heartedly, and she dies to self daily to make herself available to meet our needs and make our lives easier...something that I daily take for granted.



Prov. 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
This Bible verse hung crocheted in my room for years...and like many other things, I never really understood the meaning of it until recent years. Apparently the term 'mother' is synonymous with 'teacher' because she has taught me so much more than she even realizes. Much of it she tried to teach me growing up, but it wasn't until I was on my own at college that I realized I probably should have listened...those were things I now really needed to know. Cooking, laundry and sewing for example...she even created a cookbook for me from her favorite recipes and the meals that reminded me of home. I'm still convinced that birthday cake tastes better from a bowl, yellow roses are the most beautiful flowers in existence, and I've recently discovered that an obsession with making lists is apparently hereditary. However, I will never follow the 'white hanger code' or believe that 'push mowing is more fun than using a riding mower' :) But more important than these tangible lessons are the lessons that are woven into my very being...

to be compassionate - Mom has a no tolerance policy for teasing...and rightly so. No matter how innocent it seems, chances are it cuts much deeper than you realize. We are all blessed in different ways...In the words of my sister who is wise beyond her years "When you find yourself wanting to be like someone else think about this...If everyone was like everyone else God would technically need only one of us and that one of us would be awfully lonely..."

to be strong - If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Mom is not afraid to express her opinion, and quick to admit she's wrong on the off chance that she is actually wrong. This includes facing strong persecution for making it known that her daughter would not be attending cheerleading practice on Sundays to honor the Sabbath as God intended us to. It is evidently (which I have learned from her and through experience) much wiser to make your beliefs known up front rather than having to justify your actions later. It also helps you keep yourself accountable. I always say "I don't know what my parents did, but they did it right" when it came to raising us... there are beliefs, principles, and standards we possess that are unwaivering...that have probably saved my parents several gray hairs and heartaches.

to glorify God- in every single thing. Along with obvious physical traits, she also passed her beautiful voice to all of her daughters... She always says that "you are blessed with these gifts to glorify God, and if you don't use it...you lose it." Anyone would agree that our voices are never stronger, or more beautiful than when we are praising our Savior. Not only in singing, but in prayer. Mom, through years of learning I'm sure, is quick to immediately take it to God before another thought crosses her mind. That is also the first piece of advice she has always given me when dealing with things...and there is no better advice than that.



Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world.... it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
What an example of a Godly woman...

devoted daughter of the King

advice from mom? step 1: always approach the throne...she has always been deeply involved in our churches from Vacation Bible School director to choir member to Nominating Committee member to Mission Trip sponsor and on and on and on...she knows her gifts and selflessly offers them as a sacrifice to her King. And she can testify to the power of a praying woman...if she tells you she's praying for you, you better believe she's petitioning to God on your behalf whole-heartedly....

daughter

My mom was born in my grandparents later years of life. My Papa has gone Home, but my Nanny is still with us. I am amazed by the years of selfless care my mother has given to her. She has lived with or near us for the marjority of the time since my Papa was called Home. I think the grace with which she handles my Nanny comes from her realization of the years of selflessness Nanny gave to her...

wife

Not there yet, obviously...but I'd like to think I'm somewhat well-prepared from watching my parents love relationship so grounded in Christ. My dad would be lost and incomplete without her...he knows it, we all know it. They still date realizing that they need time specifically for their relationship and lay down their lives daily for one another. My family has been through quite a bit, definitely not as much as other people, but definitely our fair share of persecution. She looked at each life change as a challenge and a new beginning. Every time his heart was breaking, hers was too, probably more so...they are the essence of "the two shall become one"....and I pray that God blesses me with the forever love that they have found in each other through Him...the kind that withstands the tests of time, persecution, and struggle.

mother

Very obviously not to this stage of life either, and probably won't be for several more years. But I like to think I helped raise my sisters...being a 'second mom' with knowledge that I could have only gained through my mom. I could not have asked for a better mother...she stayed home with us through most of our school years because she was called to be a mother first and foremost. My sisters and I are all overachievers and participated in every possible event throughout our school years, and I'm not sure she ever missed one...neither did the video camera. I have also seen her love students like a mother while she was a teacher...part of what has instilled a passion in me for teaching. I look forward to the day I need her advice in that amazing journey...the day I become a mother and she gets to spoil her grandkids ;) For now, I'm satisfied with giving that attention to my students!

"Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
'Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.'
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:28-31

I love you, Mom...thanks for everything...Happy Mother's Day everyday....

It's not what you know, it's WHO you know...

Everybody tells us that our choices, mistakes, and character make us who we are...but did you ever consider what a hopeless feeling that leaves us? We are sinners who fail continuously because we are human....Those "good choices" we make? Consider your motives; to make yourself look good, to make yourself look better than someone else, to be a good person. These choices are made out of pride and selfishness, which is sin in itself, rather than to give gratitude to the One who gives them to us.

And as for mistakes, praise God they do not reflect who I am....I have asked for forgiveness for them and they are washed away. Only when we realize that it is not about who we are, but about what has been done for us through the sacrificial Lamb, can we experience a life worthy of the calling we have received and be blessed in the way He desires to bless us.

And when you come to this realization, you seek to discover who you are in Christ--who HE says you are...and it's gonna rock your socks off :)

There's a small hump you gotta cross first, though, the thing that holds us captive, Christian and non-Christian alike: FEAR.

(a little disclaimer: I hold a Biblical world view and the Word of God guides my life so the rejection of these fears is based on Biblical truths...St. Augustine said it best, "If you believe what you like in the gospels, and reject what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself.")

if we fear it is because we have believed a lie...

fear rejection? someone once told you that you weren't good enough or worthy enough...

The king is enthralled by your beauty;

honor him, for he is your lord.

-Psalm 45:11

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me

together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

fear failure? someone once told you you failed past the point of forgiveness...

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

-Psalm 73:26

Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,

because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

fear death? you didn't believe the assurance of salvation and the promise of eternal life through Christ's sacrifice ...

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord,"

and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,

you will be saved.

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified,

and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

-Romans 10:9-10

"For God so loved the world that he gave

his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him

shall not perish but have eternal life.

-John 3:16

fear loneliness? someone told you that you need another person to make you happy or satisfied ...

"...being content with what you have;

for He Himself has said,

I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU,

NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU."

-Hebrews 13:5

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life,

nor angels, nor principalities,

nor things present, nor things to come,

nor powers, nor height, nor depth,

nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us

from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-Romans 8:35-39

fear pain? someone told you that you had to face it and survive it by yourself ...

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

-Psalm 46:1

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power

is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast

all the more gladly

about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power

may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake,

I delight in weaknesses, in insults,

in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

fear the future? someone told you that your future reflects your past because history repeats itself ...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:33-34

The prince of lies is so good at targeting our weakest points and the lies we believe the most...

BUT!!!!!!!!!

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

-1 John 4:18

Happy Friday!!!!! I have an exciting weekend ahead...a very special and handsome date, amazing friends, and maybe even some job offers! God bless

Read it...it's wonderful :)

I found it and needed somewhere to post it...obviously too long for a facebook status, haha. Read it and be amazed and comforted by the power of my Jesus.

The will of God will never take you
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercy of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

- Author Unknown


THAT'S MY KING!

Desire of My Heart

Delight yourself in the LORD and
he will give you
the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

One of the most beloved verses in the Bible...and one of the most misinterpreted...

I've been thinking a lot about the plans that I make (that generally don't work out exactly the way I thought) and how whatever actually happens is abundantly more amazing than my original plan. And all I can think is wow, He really does know my heart better than I do.

So that word delight...I decided to look up the original Hebrew...
"delight” (עָנַג, pronounced aw-nag): to be delicate or feminine, or sensitive and pliable
And after a little further digging, the context of delight in this verse means to be solely dependent on God and to find pleasure and satisfaction in Him alone. Interesting? It has much deeper meaning than simply thanking God for blessings and worshipping Him in Church. It's discovering that the greatest joy comes from fulfilling your purpose in glorifying Him. It's remembering our salvation through Jesus Christ and understanding only through Him do we experience an abundant life here on Earth and eternal life. It's finally realizing that void can ONLY be satisfied by the One who created it so that you would seek Him to fill it.

He who created us without our help will not save us without our consent.
--Saint Augustine


What do you desire? That word literally means what you petition or request from the depths of your heart. It is something deeper than a 'want' that is also a need...similar to the difference between love and adoration. So according to the meaning of "delight," if you are truly "delighting" yourself in the Lord, He should be your greatest desire. It just makes sense - if you desire something, you think if you have it you will be fulfilled (and you should). If you have found true satisfaction in Christ, your greatest desire has been fulfilled.

BUT...there is that little 's' on the end of desire. So you get to have more than one!!! Hooray!!! The catch is Christ is the only one who knows the truest desires of your heart...the nearer you draw to Him, the more they are revealed to you. In my own life, I know there are some consistent desires that I know are from Christ; to be married- to serve another as Christ did, to understand the love relationship between Christ and His Bride (the Church), and someone with to share the joy of this life found in Christ, to understand the meaning of unconditional love; to have children- to truly understand the sacrifice God made in giving His only Son for me, to bless my parents with grandchildren, to raise them to glorify God in a lost world; to teach- to love and be compassionate toward children other than my own, to share the love of Christ through my everyday example and actions; to be a best friend - because I know that God speaks through those around me and even through me, because this too is a love relationship in which you understand sacrifice...

That being said...the details- the whos, whats, whens, and wheres- of these desires are revealed in God's timing. Some He's blessed me with or with a glimpse of, and the rest I will continue to wait for knowing that these divine appointments are more than worth waiting for...

small disclaimer: I am certainly no theologian, this is just what God has laid on my heart :)

Be blessed and be a blessing today!