I'm reading a book right now called "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire" by Rafe Esquith who is a nationally recognized teacher. He loves kids...period. He talks with his 5th graders about Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development. I began to think about how to best relay this information to my students, but decided I first needed to evaluate it in my own life...
1) Pre-conventional - begins with how to avoid punishment and ends with selfish ambition.
***Chores. An absolute dreaded part of everyday life when you were younger, right? Probably 90% of the motivation for any cooking or cleaning I did for the first 18 years of my life was one of two things: I feared the consequences of NOT doing them, or I wanted something in return.
2) Conventional - begins with social norms (the good boy/girl attitude) and ends with motivation from a "maintain law and order" mentality
***Then there were the times my parents would go on a date, and I would get the bright idea to clean the kitchen. When they came home, I was usually standing in the spotless kitchen with a huge smile on my face expecting a wonderful reaction. This was another motivation stemming from wanting to please my parents by being a good daughter.
3) Post-conventional - begins with recognizing individuality in the world apart from "socially accepted" ideas and ends with principles of conscience motivated by abstract, deep ideas such as...love.
***As I aged, I began to pull my own weight out of sheer love for my parents...the desire to make their lives a little easier...and the guilt associated with not doing my part. It didn't matter anymore whether they noticed; it was simply one less thing to cause them stress.
So on to another example...Most serious relationship #1: I absolutely love to serve...it's the action I use to communicate love. I would cook for him, help him clean, assist in sending resumes for jobs, send gifts, etc...too many things to list. At first I expected things in return...maybe he'll send me flowers to work? maybe he wouldn't mind helping me with a particular task? and so on....Pre-Conventional. After about a year and a half, I continued doing these things out of love, but mostly to show that I was such a great girlfriend...and would obviously make a great wife, haha. I never really made it out of this Conventional stage. And that continued through the next serious of dates/relationships (probably a lot of the reason they failed)...until recently. The Post-Conventional stage has hit me unexpectedly....I still do these things, but solely out of love for him, expecting not one thing in return. It's a wonderful, peaceful change of heart.
And then there's my Savior...I think when we are young, most people tend to be "scared" into accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior simply to escape hell (punishment), or expecting an easy life filled with blessings in return for our devotion. Pre-Conventional. As they draw nearer to Christ and realize the influence on non-Christians around them, they start to live as Christ asks to be seen as a "good Christian" or to maintain the respect of other Christians. Conventional. As you further mature in your walk with Christ, you move into the Post-Conventional stage. I am completely assured in my salvation because of my own salvation experience and the multitude of scriptures declaring this promise...but this security doesn't change the way I live my life. I live the way I do out of love and gratitude for my Savior and His sacrifice, striving to be more like Him. I know where I will be when I die, but I hope my road to that destination shows others the way also....
I have learned that life is more than following rules simply because they were "established to be followed." Some legalistic ideologies I have let go of because Christ has revealed to me that loving sinners like myself is sometimes more important. Other "rules," I have renamed "standards" in my own life," such as adhering to True Love Waits, because I know that God is and will be glorified through that. It is a fine line between being above reproach and approachable...but more than anything He has called us to love. He has called us to turn over our most prized possessions out of love for Him...for me that's the ultimate love relationship He creates for us here on Earth.
I'm simultaneously reading a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. It's about giving God this phenomenally important and stressful area of your life...what HE desires for the love relationship based in Him. Funny thing is, I tried reading this book about 2 years ago in the midst of another relationship (those of you who have been around me that long can fill in the blanks, haha), and although I'm ashamed to say it, stopped reading it because I felt convicted. This time around it's confirming so many of my feelings and thoughts...interesting...
So as I've moved into the Post-Conventional understanding of love...jealousy, being easily angered, insecurity, selfishness?...no thanks. Here's to a love that says "quit comparing yourself to others, (just like my Daddy always told me ;) I choose YOU. I want to grow old with YOU." Sound similar to the knowledge that Christ chose to die for YOU?! Here's to realizing love may not always be returned in the way you expect it, but instead in the way you need it...what if Christ decided He didn't love us because we weren't returning His love the way He expects us to? Here's to realizing what love is before you can see what it was not....to falling in love with my sweet Jesus....to letting Him show me how to fall in love.....
if it seems like that blog was all over the place, read it again...I promise it's all intertwined :)
