Look forward to lookin' back with you...

Ohhhh life...the pace has definitely changed since my move up here to God's country, but I still don't even have time to keep up my blog...



I made a crazy last minute trip to Dallas this weekend to see one of my best friends and have my heart broken by my Aggies once again...so we'll just say it was to see one of my best friends :) In my 14 hours of driving, I had a lot of time to think and reflect. In a couple of weeks, I will be 23 and quite bit has happened in this 23rd year of my life. If I could sum it all up in one word, it would be...



Trust.



What I once thought was true love based on real trust was irreparably damaged by a shaky foundation...so I turned to friends...

I found the sweet trusting relationship of a group of sisters...not by blood, but by choice...

Once again, that trust was damaged in some of those relationships...but some of them are forever...

I forced myself into dating that my heart was not ready for...trust that my heart was not ready for...

So I turned to my family...those four people that love me unconditionally and eternally...those four people that pointed my directly to my heavenly Father...the only one who is fully deserving of my trust...the One who will never fail.



And then when I was ready, He brought someone else into my life...someone who took all of my post-graduation plans, shook them up, and landed me in Dalhart, Texas. But really, he was just a vessel being used by Christ because I know without a doubt this is where God wants me to be. Even on my hardest days of missing family and friends, I know that His purpose for me being here is bigger than my fears and insecurities. I have the love of a real man...a man who has become my best friend...a man who is so trustworthy and deserving of my whole heart. Having realized this, it has become so important that Christ remain the foundation of our relationship as we patiently wait for Him to prepare our hearts for whatever He has for our relationship and each of our lives.



I love Kindergarten. I didn't think I would possibly survive this year...I'm only two months in, but these precious children have stolen my heart. Every day I count my blessings and praise God for the family I was raised in. It has become even more clear that my attitude sets the tone for my classroom...and more than anything I pray that is an attitude of love and service. I pray for my students daily...they are so deserving of every good and perfect gift from God, as they have already been such precious gifts in my life. And here's what being in the will of God will get you:

-Within one week of teaching, the assistant principal passed me and said, "some people just have what it takes and you've got it! you're totally a natural!"

-The technology director met me in passing and just needed to mention that he had heard I was doing an outstanding job.

-My first 10-minute walkthrough observation was two weeks ago by the assistant principal. As she was leaving the room she said, "You make me want to skip the rest. You're fantastic and I know others won't go nearly this well."

-The P.E. coach grabbed me in the hall, "I heard some nasty rumor that you're a first year teacher?! That absolutely cannot be possible..."

-19 out of 19 parents during conferences this week said that their child LOVES coming to school...what more could a teacher ask for?

And none of those things is to my credit...all glory to God because without him I'm not sure I could put up with 19 five-year-olds on a daily basis. It is such an awesome challenge to keep these young children engaged and loving learning...and much less of a challenge for them to keep me entertained! Ha! We're headed to the Pumpkin Patch next week, then it's Red Ribbon Week, Halloween, etc...I think it's safe to assume that my currently hectic life is about to become chaotic.

On the personal life side of things...I've found some great, inspirational women. In fact, they are so inspirational, I've agreed to participate in a half marathon on May 1st in Colorado!!! We've already been training for a little over a month, and so far I love it. But running is not the only time I've enjoyed spending with them...thank God for kind, caring people. My roommate and I are reserved seat season ticket holders for the Dalhart Golden Wolves football team--it's not A&M, but it's football :) So between marathon training, hanging out with the girls, lesson planning, spending time with one amazing guy, being a grown up, driving all over the place just to find Walmart, going to bed at 9:00, and staying in touch with family and friends...life is pretty crazy, but I guess that's the way I prefer it! I'm certainly looking forward to heading home this weekend to some people I love and miss very much...no complaints! God is so good!

Welcome to Kindergarten

So I'm beyond exhaustion...definitely too tired for this blogging...but I also don't want to have to repeat the stories 900 times. lol...so here it is:

6:00 am...wake up and prepare for the day...beginning on my knees in the presence of my Savior...because more than being a good teacher, I want to be the example of Christ to these children--to show them they are loved by at least one person in this world.

7:15 am...arrive at school and prepare for the day...and my first child shows up at 7:45ish soooo excited for life!

By 8:00, my class was full of 19 5&6 years olds. Our principal wrote a grant for free breakfast every day for the entire school because children cannot learn effectively if they are hungry. Today we had cereal with milk and orange juice...let me clarify, the children were allowed to eat DRY cereal and drink the milk to prevent many messes. HOWEVER...within the first 15 minutes of breakfast, we had 4 bowls of dry cereal spilled all over the floor and 1 juice box...making a pretty sticky mess. We actually accomplished much more than I anticipated! There is an aid in my classroom for the first two days and she insisted that I couldn't possibly be a first year teacher...everything was running much too smoothly, which made me feel very good. It makes things easier when you're doing something you were created to do :)

We had a meet your table-mates session in which each student did a puzzle of a picture of someone at their table...which created mass confusion because they thought the picture was supposed to be of themselves and that I had just really messed up. Then we had a meet the teacher session where each child had a picture of something about me (fav drink-Dr. Pepper, my best friends, my fav book- the Bible, my Dad, my Mom, my sisters, my pets, me in Kindergarten, etc.), which they absolutely loved!...especially knowing that their teacher was in kindergarten once upon a time ;)

Kindergarten is so interesting. They say the most hilarious things ("class lets create some rules for our classroom! give me an example" response: "don't throw rocks in the classroom!!!")...which will be documented throughout this blog...and they are really still babies. I had so many parents describe their child's special "potty dance," which has become high priority during my daily general observation for obvious reason, haha. At 11:15, I went to pick my class up from specials (P.E., music, computers, library) and several of them hugged me and looked at me and SHOUTED..."MISS WALKER!!!! We are sooooo excited to see you!!!" They are just too sweet and have stolen my heart already. One of my favorite things??? NOBODY is too cool for anything in Kindergarten. Their favorite part of the day was singing and dancing with me to a four line song about how we get to school! They probably would have done the song 800 times if I'd let them...it's the little things.

I just knew the morning went way too smoothly. We was about 15 minutes late to lunch because we were so engaged in learning...and because Miss Walker looked at the wrong lunch time :) Then, the school blew a transformer, so electricity went out all over the building. Meanwhile, the teacher's aid in my classroom was on the verge of losing conciousness from diabetic shock. I had no juice or candy in the room (which didn't even occur to me anyway until another teacher said it), so I was frantically running around the classrooms...great. And then I went back to teaching.

My students are precious. Their moods change at the drop of a hat and they will do ANYTHING to please the teacher. Every student demanded that I see every picture and paper that they completed. I have a couple of "energetic" ones...one who would probably walk backwards everywhere if I let him, one who insists on not listening and then telling me that he IS listening after I've asked for his attention for the third time, and a couple of very social butterflies...but I just adore every single one of them. When they get to go to the group carpet, it usually becomes a little chaotic, so I decided to create a masking tape grid so that every student would have a certain "spot" tomorrow...if necessary (or legal or socially acceptable) I would have a shock collar or hot wire fence grid because I think that would be very effective, hahaha---very much just kidding. And by the end of the day I learned they all have their trying side...I have cute name plates on their desks that were pretty pricey, so I had them laminated to be reusable. Each students name was written on them this morning, and as a I walked around this afternoon, not one name was one them...they wiped every single one off...hilarious. NOT. So I rewrote and TAPED over them. We'll see how they creatively undo that tomorrow.



So I left day one (at 6 pm) with:
green paint on my dress pants
a sore hand from class high fives gone wrong
heavy eyelids
sore feet
a semi-sore throat
"The first child gets to ride the bus" (to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb) stuck in my head
a new knowledge for taking care of people with diabetes
a new appreciation for air conditioning
"lunch is at 11:30, not 12:10" engraved on my mind
a hatred for tying shoelaces
a new appreciation for parents
19 new loves in my life :)

time for bed...seriously...more to come

The Bucket List

That's right, it's time. I'm about to head out on my own and there are just a few things I'd like to accomplish...

(in no particular order)

1. teach

2. learn to play guitar

3. sing karaoke

4. go skydiving

5. learn to ski

6. go on a cooking vacation/take gourmet cooking classes

7. go on a cruise

8. volunteer in an orphanage

9. get married

10. have children

11. go scuba diving

12. learn to drive a stick shift

13. read the entire Bible

14. go deep sea fishing

15. go parasailing

16. swim with dolphins

17. run a half marathon/marathon

18. be a mentor to someone

19. wine tasting

20. own a horse

21. see a waterfall

22. go on a picnic

23. visit a castle

24. visit a brewery

25. visit another country

26. go horsebacking riding on a beach

27. visit a famous art gallery/museum

28. ride a mechanical bull

29. have a garden

30. have a carefree, tropical vacation

31. become an early riser

32. stop worrying about things beyond my control

33. donate blood....lol

34. create something

35. own a home...with a huge bathtub :)

36. make at least one person smile every day

37. see a Broadway play

38. have a wraparound porch

39. own a boat

40. go to a drive in movie

41. fix up an old house

42. learn to ride a dirt bike

well that's a pretty good start..and of course...may God be glorified in and through every single one of those things...

...and after doing that, I feel like I haven't lived, haha. But there are things I have already done that would have made it on the list...so I'll just consider them accomplished :)

It's a beautiful thing...

It's a beautiful thing when you are drawing nearer to Christ, and He reveals more of Himself to you.

I'm reading a book right now called "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire" by Rafe Esquith who is a nationally recognized teacher. He loves kids...period. He talks with his 5th graders about Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development. I began to think about how to best relay this information to my students, but decided I first needed to evaluate it in my own life...

1) Pre-conventional - begins with how to avoid punishment and ends with selfish ambition.

***Chores. An absolute dreaded part of everyday life when you were younger, right? Probably 90% of the motivation for any cooking or cleaning I did for the first 18 years of my life was one of two things: I feared the consequences of NOT doing them, or I wanted something in return.

2) Conventional - begins with social norms (the good boy/girl attitude) and ends with motivation from a "maintain law and order" mentality

***Then there were the times my parents would go on a date, and I would get the bright idea to clean the kitchen. When they came home, I was usually standing in the spotless kitchen with a huge smile on my face expecting a wonderful reaction. This was another motivation stemming from wanting to please my parents by being a good daughter.

3) Post-conventional - begins with recognizing individuality in the world apart from "socially accepted" ideas and ends with principles of conscience motivated by abstract, deep ideas such as...love.

***As I aged, I began to pull my own weight out of sheer love for my parents...the desire to make their lives a little easier...and the guilt associated with not doing my part. It didn't matter anymore whether they noticed; it was simply one less thing to cause them stress.

So on to another example...Most serious relationship #1: I absolutely love to serve...it's the action I use to communicate love. I would cook for him, help him clean, assist in sending resumes for jobs, send gifts, etc...too many things to list. At first I expected things in return...maybe he'll send me flowers to work? maybe he wouldn't mind helping me with a particular task? and so on....Pre-Conventional. After about a year and a half, I continued doing these things out of love, but mostly to show that I was such a great girlfriend...and would obviously make a great wife, haha. I never really made it out of this Conventional stage. And that continued through the next serious of dates/relationships (probably a lot of the reason they failed)...until recently. The Post-Conventional stage has hit me unexpectedly....I still do these things, but solely out of love for him, expecting not one thing in return. It's a wonderful, peaceful change of heart.



And then there's my Savior...I think when we are young, most people tend to be "scared" into accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior simply to escape hell (punishment), or expecting an easy life filled with blessings in return for our devotion. Pre-Conventional. As they draw nearer to Christ and realize the influence on non-Christians around them, they start to live as Christ asks to be seen as a "good Christian" or to maintain the respect of other Christians. Conventional. As you further mature in your walk with Christ, you move into the Post-Conventional stage. I am completely assured in my salvation because of my own salvation experience and the multitude of scriptures declaring this promise...but this security doesn't change the way I live my life. I live the way I do out of love and gratitude for my Savior and His sacrifice, striving to be more like Him. I know where I will be when I die, but I hope my road to that destination shows others the way also....

I have learned that life is more than following rules simply because they were "established to be followed." Some legalistic ideologies I have let go of because Christ has revealed to me that loving sinners like myself is sometimes more important. Other "rules," I have renamed "standards" in my own life," such as adhering to True Love Waits, because I know that God is and will be glorified through that. It is a fine line between being above reproach and approachable...but more than anything He has called us to love. He has called us to turn over our most prized possessions out of love for Him...for me that's the ultimate love relationship He creates for us here on Earth.


I'm simultaneously reading a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. It's about giving God this phenomenally important and stressful area of your life...what HE desires for the love relationship based in Him. Funny thing is, I tried reading this book about 2 years ago in the midst of another relationship (those of you who have been around me that long can fill in the blanks, haha), and although I'm ashamed to say it, stopped reading it because I felt convicted. This time around it's confirming so many of my feelings and thoughts...interesting...

So as I've moved into the Post-Conventional understanding of love...jealousy, being easily angered, insecurity, selfishness?...no thanks. Here's to a love that says "quit comparing yourself to others, (just like my Daddy always told me ;) I choose YOU. I want to grow old with YOU." Sound similar to the knowledge that Christ chose to die for YOU?! Here's to realizing love may not always be returned in the way you expect it, but instead in the way you need it...what if Christ decided He didn't love us because we weren't returning His love the way He expects us to? Here's to realizing what love is before you can see what it was not....to falling in love with my sweet Jesus....to letting Him show me how to fall in love.....


if it seems like that blog was all over the place, read it again...I promise it's all intertwined :)

The First Man I Ever Loved...

...the first man I gave my heart to...the one who guided my heart to my Heavenly Father..

My Daddy's hands ...there's nothing quite like them.

Those hands have given me toys, food, gifts, basketballs, show halters, medicine, tools, academic awards, "scholarships from the Bank of Dad," my High School Diploma...and scripture. All my life I have admiringly looked at his Aggie Ring...those hands put my Aggie ring on my finger and turned it to face the world after graduation.

His hands have taught me to clean, to build, to shoot hoops, to bat, to cook, to lift and carry through several moves, to cast a line, to shoot a gun, to drive...

to turn the pages of a book, to write, to pray, to protect, and to console.

Those hands held me at birth and through a few concussions and trips to the ER, congratulated me through graduations and achievements, laid on me while I asked Jesus into my heart, and enveloped me through a breaking heart.

But the hands are the observable workings of the heart....

integrity, loyalty, wisdom, perseverance, strong work ethic, wit, patience, respect, and love

...qualities woven into his very nature

...a reflection of the image of Christ.

Even to this day, he has continually reminded me, "never compare yourself to anyone. You'll lose every time." These words meant nothing when I was younger, but as we all know, as we age our parents become more wise ;) These words have been foundational to the woman I have become, specifically my individuality and determination.

As my earthly father, what an amazing glimpse at what my Heavenly Father is like!

He is country and a cowboy to the core...from ranch manager to serving public education for nearly 30 years, he knows what hard work is and always serves whole-heartedly. He is a man of few words, but always important words, with a smile and sense of humor that are infectious.

Son and Brother

My mom has always told me to observe how the men that I date treat their mothers and to know that reflects how he will treat me...which I've learned to be very true. I have watched my dad's interaction as a son and brother and pray that I will be able to raise children with that magnitude of respect.

Husband

As a husband, he loves my mom unconditionally...and has set an example of a marriage relationship firmly grounded in Christ ...an example that I will wait for in the man God has for me.

Father

As a father, he loves unconditionally, teaching unwavering principles through discipline and by example through his every word and action. He is there to calm the emotions of three daughters with amazing words of advice.

Man of God

As a man of God, his perseverance is astounding. His faithfulness in service through the Church (from youth sponsor, to sound man, to choir member, to Sunday School teacher, to committee member) and through prayer is remarkable. He has faced more persecution that any one man should have to...all without hesitation in the name of Christ.

"Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever."

-Psalm 112:6

to my hero, my protector, the Spiritual leader of his household, my confidante, my advisor...my Daddy...Happy Father's Day, now and always...

“I don’t trust happiness… Never did, and never will.”

That isn't a quote from yours truely either...I've trusted and relied on happiness too many times...

And until you've experienced the difference, this may not make much sense...

If you "google it," you will find many quotes about happiness - that wonderful warm, fuzzy feeling we all hope to find. It comes from winning a game, having a crush, being complimented, and so many other pleasant moments. It lasts for a few minutes, or maybe even a few days, and then is gone the moment something bad or unpleasant happens....it is so temporary...

Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit! I don't see "happiness" listed in there anywhere because the fruits of the Spirit are just that, OF THE SPIRIT....they are of Christ who is forever, so they are forever. Joy is experiencing God, it's a radiant smile through streams of tears, it's surviving a heartache knowing there's something better in store, it's rejoicing that a loved one is no longer in pain but rather in the prescence of the King of Kings...it's present even when that warm, fuzzy feeling is gone...and it lasts forever...

Society tells us to "be happy."
Christ tells us to "rejoice."

Look at the dictionary's listings about the feeling of happiness:
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure or contentment; a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.

What stood out in these definitions? Happiness is fleeting. We feel it about some certain thing or person. But these moods and feelings that we experience change often...they are much too unreliable...



Joy is Biblical.

Three of my favorites:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

-James 1:2

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."
—John 15:11

"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory"
—1 Peter 1:8

I found a few synonyms for joy :

Humor.

If you have lived, you have (hopefully) learned to find humor in situations.

It's constant.

Treasure.

Treasure is not fortune. Treasure is something close to your heart...

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" -Luke 12:34

Mirth.

It's the ability to enjoy life and to celebrate.

If you haven't learned this as a part of your every day,

you're missing life in general.

Now follow me on this...God is love. Joy is of God. Therefore, the truest, purest Love brings ultimate Joy. So once again, this is of God and things of God.

Those fleeting moments of warm fuzzies are not Love....or Love that is meant to last anyway.

So look at the things and people that you "love"...if you can't experience joy through the moments that the warm fuzzies aren't present...you may not know my Jesus. He is the only One that brings true joy. And if you do know Him and still aren't experiencing joy in these moments...you might need to re-evaluate whether those "loves" are worth every other temporary feeling that accompany them...

So I'd choose joy over happiness any day.

All credit for those thoughts goes to my Savior...He lays it on my heart, so I write. And I'm no expert, but experience is a pretty good teacher. :)

Happy Monday? blah. Experience Joy on this Monday!

1446.17 miles later...

Did I mention those 1446.17 miles were covered in 2.5 days????

College Station--> Abilene--> Seminole--> Amarillo-->Hereford--> Dalhart--> Alvardo--> College Station.

...5 interviews and approximately 25 hours of driving later...I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But before all that important stuff, here are some interesting lessons I learned:
-Texas is big...HUGE actually.
- the world is not awake at 5:15 am, therefore Jessica cannot get Dr. Pepper to be awake either.
-who needs trees when you have wind turbines?
-"west Texas" is synonymous with "nothing"
-you should have stopped at that last gas station because apparently people in west Texas do not need a lot of gas, so there will not be another one for 100 miles
-you could pass 6 cars at a time on a west Texas highway, if there were 6 cars in the whole region
-the sky is significantly larger up there
-wind turbines are hypnotizing
-these people spend more money on a courthouse than on the whole rest of the town
-Hereford, TX smells like cows...a lot...makes sense
-yes, the sunset/sunrise is gorgeous, but if you stare at it you will have to pull over and let your eyes recover
-if you are not driving a work truck or an 18-wheeler, you are obviously out of place
-driving 1.5 hours between two towns is normal...and feels like 5 hours.
-if I am ever again in Clarendon, TX, I will be staying at the "It'll Do Motel" after dinner at the "Nuttin' Fancy Cafe"
-44 ounces of Dr. Pepper makes your bladder feel like it's going to explode
-you probably cannot stop at Ft. Hood to use their restrooms even if your taxes pay for them
-singing and dancing to loud music in your car (completely making a fool of yourself) is pretty much the only way to survive 25 hours of driving
-watching a thunderstorm in that much sky is a little scarier, yet beautiful all at the same time
-I hate driving.
-cows and more cows.
-If you walk into small town Texas in a business suit where regulars are having coffee in the morning, you're probably going to hear a couple of comments. haha.
-I love kids...ALL kids. Everytime I interviewed and had a glimpse of the kids in the school, I just fell in love..they are so precious.
-There are people in the school business for the right reasons, and people in it for the wrong reasons. It's blatantly obvious who would be great to work for and who would not...
-Being an Aggie and living all over the state of Texas have proved very helpful in this job hunt. While waiting for one interview, I introduced myself to the elementary counselor who is the aunt of one of my best friends from junior high. A few seconds later, the wife of my junior high Youth Director walked through the office and recognized me! After mentioning this to the principal I was interviewing with, I find out that he is the recent father-in-law of one of my good friends from the same town!!! God is good!
-I called my mom overwhelmingly blessed by my Savior. In the course of that afternoon I lined up two more interviews...all just happened to be in the Pandhandle and none of them interfered with the others...and then read the daily Bible verse on my phone...

"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or

‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans
run after all these things, and your heavenly Father

knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom

and his righteousness, and all these things will be

given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matt. 6:31-34

...and then I burst into tears of joy...wow! what a wake-up call...

-I have applied, interviewed, and traveled all over the state in theis job hunt. When you're within the will of God, you know it....I walked out of the interview at Dalhart Elementary (with a panel of 10 INTERVIEWERS!!!!) knowing in my heart they would offer me a job....also knowing it would be an ESL position. And the next day? a job offer from Dalhart for an ESL position...hm. :)

So while it's not my ideal position...it's where I want to be. And maybe that position is where God wants me! There are possible 3rd and 2nd grade positions that I was told I could choose from if they become available, so who knows. I am just beyond thrilled to have signed a contract as a teacher...I've been waiting 22 years for this!!! It's going to be a looooong summer, haha.

Since finding out I got the job, the number 1 most annoying question I've been asked..."Why in the world Dalhart?!" Why not Dalhart??? Yes, it's 10 hours from my family and friends, but there are these things called airplanes...and they have them in Amarillo. Yes, the landscape and weather are a little different from anywhere else I've lived in Texas, but change is good. Yes, I know probably three people in the entire Pandhandle, but I've lived in several places and never have trouble building relationships. Yes, Dalhart happens to be about 15 minutes from a very important man in my life, so look at my past and call me crazy, but sometimes it's too risky not to take the chance. It's a one year contract...at the end of a year if it all falls apart...count my losses and gains. I will have loved, gained a year of teaching experience, new friends, and lived in a new and different part of my beloved state. And if you are taking the result of my past serious relationship into account, you should definitely realize this is not a decision I have taken lightly in any way. Those who know me best should know I have spent plenty of time on my knees seeking only the will of God...everything happened to fall into place and I don't believe in coincidences...

So no, I am not moving for him. I am moving for God.

“I want you to stop planning—stop wishing—

and allow Me to give you the most thrilling,

exciting plan you can imagine!!! I want you to have the best!

Please allow Me to give it to you.

You must keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am!

Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

And then, when you are ready,

I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful

than anyone would ever dream of.

“Know that I love you utterly.

I am God. Believe and be satisfied.”

and love like crazy...

Keep me in your prayers...I still have to find a place to live and enter into the real world...which should be pretty entertaining, so keep reading :) HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

Her children rise up and call her blessed...

Many people are much better expressing their emotions and feelings through writing than through speech, and I happen to be one of those people..



It's a mostly thankless, selfless job...and more important than any other.

From skinned knees, to brushing my teeth with hydrocortizone cream (yes it happened, and I just publicly admitted it, and yes she did call poison control), to my years of ER visits and concussions, to a shattered heart not so easily mended with medication and bandaids...she held me through every moment...enveloped not only by her arms, but by her unconditional love.


So here's to you... my mentor, my prayer warrior, my friend, my confidante, my nurturer...and always and forever...my Mom....

Mom is truly the essence of beauty inside and out. Beautiful blue eyes, amazing hair, a smile that demands reciprocation, a laugh that is so genuine and so contagious, and the voice of an angel used for praising the One who blessed her with it. She definitely knows how to enjoy life, but is one of the most selfless people I know. She loves her family (pets included, haha) whole-heartedly, and she dies to self daily to make herself available to meet our needs and make our lives easier...something that I daily take for granted.



Prov. 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
This Bible verse hung crocheted in my room for years...and like many other things, I never really understood the meaning of it until recent years. Apparently the term 'mother' is synonymous with 'teacher' because she has taught me so much more than she even realizes. Much of it she tried to teach me growing up, but it wasn't until I was on my own at college that I realized I probably should have listened...those were things I now really needed to know. Cooking, laundry and sewing for example...she even created a cookbook for me from her favorite recipes and the meals that reminded me of home. I'm still convinced that birthday cake tastes better from a bowl, yellow roses are the most beautiful flowers in existence, and I've recently discovered that an obsession with making lists is apparently hereditary. However, I will never follow the 'white hanger code' or believe that 'push mowing is more fun than using a riding mower' :) But more important than these tangible lessons are the lessons that are woven into my very being...

to be compassionate - Mom has a no tolerance policy for teasing...and rightly so. No matter how innocent it seems, chances are it cuts much deeper than you realize. We are all blessed in different ways...In the words of my sister who is wise beyond her years "When you find yourself wanting to be like someone else think about this...If everyone was like everyone else God would technically need only one of us and that one of us would be awfully lonely..."

to be strong - If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. Mom is not afraid to express her opinion, and quick to admit she's wrong on the off chance that she is actually wrong. This includes facing strong persecution for making it known that her daughter would not be attending cheerleading practice on Sundays to honor the Sabbath as God intended us to. It is evidently (which I have learned from her and through experience) much wiser to make your beliefs known up front rather than having to justify your actions later. It also helps you keep yourself accountable. I always say "I don't know what my parents did, but they did it right" when it came to raising us... there are beliefs, principles, and standards we possess that are unwaivering...that have probably saved my parents several gray hairs and heartaches.

to glorify God- in every single thing. Along with obvious physical traits, she also passed her beautiful voice to all of her daughters... She always says that "you are blessed with these gifts to glorify God, and if you don't use it...you lose it." Anyone would agree that our voices are never stronger, or more beautiful than when we are praising our Savior. Not only in singing, but in prayer. Mom, through years of learning I'm sure, is quick to immediately take it to God before another thought crosses her mind. That is also the first piece of advice she has always given me when dealing with things...and there is no better advice than that.



Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world.... it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
What an example of a Godly woman...

devoted daughter of the King

advice from mom? step 1: always approach the throne...she has always been deeply involved in our churches from Vacation Bible School director to choir member to Nominating Committee member to Mission Trip sponsor and on and on and on...she knows her gifts and selflessly offers them as a sacrifice to her King. And she can testify to the power of a praying woman...if she tells you she's praying for you, you better believe she's petitioning to God on your behalf whole-heartedly....

daughter

My mom was born in my grandparents later years of life. My Papa has gone Home, but my Nanny is still with us. I am amazed by the years of selfless care my mother has given to her. She has lived with or near us for the marjority of the time since my Papa was called Home. I think the grace with which she handles my Nanny comes from her realization of the years of selflessness Nanny gave to her...

wife

Not there yet, obviously...but I'd like to think I'm somewhat well-prepared from watching my parents love relationship so grounded in Christ. My dad would be lost and incomplete without her...he knows it, we all know it. They still date realizing that they need time specifically for their relationship and lay down their lives daily for one another. My family has been through quite a bit, definitely not as much as other people, but definitely our fair share of persecution. She looked at each life change as a challenge and a new beginning. Every time his heart was breaking, hers was too, probably more so...they are the essence of "the two shall become one"....and I pray that God blesses me with the forever love that they have found in each other through Him...the kind that withstands the tests of time, persecution, and struggle.

mother

Very obviously not to this stage of life either, and probably won't be for several more years. But I like to think I helped raise my sisters...being a 'second mom' with knowledge that I could have only gained through my mom. I could not have asked for a better mother...she stayed home with us through most of our school years because she was called to be a mother first and foremost. My sisters and I are all overachievers and participated in every possible event throughout our school years, and I'm not sure she ever missed one...neither did the video camera. I have also seen her love students like a mother while she was a teacher...part of what has instilled a passion in me for teaching. I look forward to the day I need her advice in that amazing journey...the day I become a mother and she gets to spoil her grandkids ;) For now, I'm satisfied with giving that attention to my students!

"Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
'Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.'
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:28-31

I love you, Mom...thanks for everything...Happy Mother's Day everyday....

It's not what you know, it's WHO you know...

Everybody tells us that our choices, mistakes, and character make us who we are...but did you ever consider what a hopeless feeling that leaves us? We are sinners who fail continuously because we are human....Those "good choices" we make? Consider your motives; to make yourself look good, to make yourself look better than someone else, to be a good person. These choices are made out of pride and selfishness, which is sin in itself, rather than to give gratitude to the One who gives them to us.

And as for mistakes, praise God they do not reflect who I am....I have asked for forgiveness for them and they are washed away. Only when we realize that it is not about who we are, but about what has been done for us through the sacrificial Lamb, can we experience a life worthy of the calling we have received and be blessed in the way He desires to bless us.

And when you come to this realization, you seek to discover who you are in Christ--who HE says you are...and it's gonna rock your socks off :)

There's a small hump you gotta cross first, though, the thing that holds us captive, Christian and non-Christian alike: FEAR.

(a little disclaimer: I hold a Biblical world view and the Word of God guides my life so the rejection of these fears is based on Biblical truths...St. Augustine said it best, "If you believe what you like in the gospels, and reject what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself.")

if we fear it is because we have believed a lie...

fear rejection? someone once told you that you weren't good enough or worthy enough...

The king is enthralled by your beauty;

honor him, for he is your lord.

-Psalm 45:11

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me

together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

fear failure? someone once told you you failed past the point of forgiveness...

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

-Psalm 73:26

Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,

because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

fear death? you didn't believe the assurance of salvation and the promise of eternal life through Christ's sacrifice ...

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord,"

and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,

you will be saved.

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified,

and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

-Romans 10:9-10

"For God so loved the world that he gave

his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him

shall not perish but have eternal life.

-John 3:16

fear loneliness? someone told you that you need another person to make you happy or satisfied ...

"...being content with what you have;

for He Himself has said,

I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU,

NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU."

-Hebrews 13:5

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life,

nor angels, nor principalities,

nor things present, nor things to come,

nor powers, nor height, nor depth,

nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us

from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-Romans 8:35-39

fear pain? someone told you that you had to face it and survive it by yourself ...

God is our refuge and strength,

a very present help in trouble.

-Psalm 46:1

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power

is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast

all the more gladly

about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power

may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake,

I delight in weaknesses, in insults,

in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-2 Corinthians 12:9-10

fear the future? someone told you that your future reflects your past because history repeats itself ...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

-Matthew 6:33-34

The prince of lies is so good at targeting our weakest points and the lies we believe the most...

BUT!!!!!!!!!

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

-1 John 4:18

Happy Friday!!!!! I have an exciting weekend ahead...a very special and handsome date, amazing friends, and maybe even some job offers! God bless

Read it...it's wonderful :)

I found it and needed somewhere to post it...obviously too long for a facebook status, haha. Read it and be amazed and comforted by the power of my Jesus.

The will of God will never take you
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercy of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

- Author Unknown


THAT'S MY KING!

Desire of My Heart

Delight yourself in the LORD and
he will give you
the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

One of the most beloved verses in the Bible...and one of the most misinterpreted...

I've been thinking a lot about the plans that I make (that generally don't work out exactly the way I thought) and how whatever actually happens is abundantly more amazing than my original plan. And all I can think is wow, He really does know my heart better than I do.

So that word delight...I decided to look up the original Hebrew...
"delight” (עָנַג, pronounced aw-nag): to be delicate or feminine, or sensitive and pliable
And after a little further digging, the context of delight in this verse means to be solely dependent on God and to find pleasure and satisfaction in Him alone. Interesting? It has much deeper meaning than simply thanking God for blessings and worshipping Him in Church. It's discovering that the greatest joy comes from fulfilling your purpose in glorifying Him. It's remembering our salvation through Jesus Christ and understanding only through Him do we experience an abundant life here on Earth and eternal life. It's finally realizing that void can ONLY be satisfied by the One who created it so that you would seek Him to fill it.

He who created us without our help will not save us without our consent.
--Saint Augustine


What do you desire? That word literally means what you petition or request from the depths of your heart. It is something deeper than a 'want' that is also a need...similar to the difference between love and adoration. So according to the meaning of "delight," if you are truly "delighting" yourself in the Lord, He should be your greatest desire. It just makes sense - if you desire something, you think if you have it you will be fulfilled (and you should). If you have found true satisfaction in Christ, your greatest desire has been fulfilled.

BUT...there is that little 's' on the end of desire. So you get to have more than one!!! Hooray!!! The catch is Christ is the only one who knows the truest desires of your heart...the nearer you draw to Him, the more they are revealed to you. In my own life, I know there are some consistent desires that I know are from Christ; to be married- to serve another as Christ did, to understand the love relationship between Christ and His Bride (the Church), and someone with to share the joy of this life found in Christ, to understand the meaning of unconditional love; to have children- to truly understand the sacrifice God made in giving His only Son for me, to bless my parents with grandchildren, to raise them to glorify God in a lost world; to teach- to love and be compassionate toward children other than my own, to share the love of Christ through my everyday example and actions; to be a best friend - because I know that God speaks through those around me and even through me, because this too is a love relationship in which you understand sacrifice...

That being said...the details- the whos, whats, whens, and wheres- of these desires are revealed in God's timing. Some He's blessed me with or with a glimpse of, and the rest I will continue to wait for knowing that these divine appointments are more than worth waiting for...

small disclaimer: I am certainly no theologian, this is just what God has laid on my heart :)

Be blessed and be a blessing today!

That old tackle box...

Fishing...I'm a little obsessed.

People love to fish for different reasons-for sport, for leisure, for food, and for a different social setting. Me? There is nothing like looking out over open water at a breath-taking sunrise/sunset to remind me of God's faithfulness. Nothing compares to sitting silently in God's creation with not one thought other than why I can't do this all day everyday...

Last week, I went fishing on the coast during our Spring Break trip...woke up a little too early, no thanks Daylight Savings...so I had plenty of time to see a gorgeous sunrise. And as it rose, I simply closed my eyes and took a deep breathe, and then opened up my tackle box. As I sat waiting on a bite, I studied that tackle box...this is deep if you read it correctly, so get ready ;)

There is so much to a tackle box that you can compare to life- to love, to relationships, to careers, to spirituality...

The box. Mine is fairly new with just a few smudges and scratches. It's not the sturdiest of plastics and still a little impressionable. It's young and a little inexperienced, but broken in. It contains the basic neccessities and things I have learned to use so far...it will continue to collect things. My dad's, however, is a stronger type of plastic, older, and about 13 shades of brown and black. It's been on several trips, not all of them successful or great, but especially blessed in their own way. It's also well-stocked from years of experience. Most of the lures are worn, but there are several new ones waiting to be used still. And my grandfather's...that thing looks like it has been through several wars and lost all of them. It's metal...strong and sturdy...with a few dents that had to have come from some pretty hard blows. And if there is something you need or even don't need, it is definitely in that box collected over a lifetime. That box also contains more stories than fish you will catch in one fishing trip...

The lures and hooks. Walk down the isles of a hunting/fishing store..there are hundreds - Artificials in the form of grasshoppers, minnows, chad, frogs, worms, bugs, mullet, etc; scented bait; stink bait; live bait; artificials that contain live bait; and the list goes on and on and on. Everyone is completely different and unique. Some are cookie cutter and much less expensive than the hand-crafted lures that are so realistic...because the hand-crafted ones just work better. I have my favorites, even favorite colors of my favorite lures, just like all fishermen. Your preferences come from your experience. For example, the shiny, flashy ones are not the ones I want...they look really good, but I know which ones actually work. I know which ones withstand the test of time. There are certain lures that attract specific kinds of fish...there are so many options and fish fall for them so easily. They are so attracted to something so dangerous, they fall for it, and then they are hooked. If they're lucky they may be released back into their life with little to no damage...hopefully (for the fish) learning their lesson.

The line Rolls of it readily available. The line protects the fisher from having to go in the water and find the fish. It allows you to keep a safe distance from whatever lies beneath...depending on how much line you release. When the line on the pole is worn out, you exchange it for new line...depend on something stronger to reel in the fish. And it gets tangled so easily; sometimes the fault of the person distracted too easily by surrounding brush; sometimes the fault of the wind because it is so flimsy; sometimes the fault of no one because you can't always see what lies beneath the water...a lot of unneccessary trash dangerous to the line. And sometimes, it doesn't go the direction you planned for it to go. That unplanned spot may catch on hell of a fish immediately, you may have to wait patiently, or you may have to try again.

And with all of the tools and experience acquired in that tackle box...you never know what you may get...And when you catch that perfect fish, there's nothing like it in the world...a true gift from God...

I could go on for longer, but my brain is tired :) Hopefully you could apply that to many situations in your life as I did to mine...what a blessing to be present in the moment...

I'm even impatient with my inability to be patient...

" Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

And it's as simple as that :)

I wish.

spring.
My most immediate desire is to be on the beach...even if it is with those 7 crazy girls life would not be the same without ;) 2 more days and I'm still not sure I will survive that long. I need to be able to enjoy warm, beautiful weather in one of my favorite places on Earth. A swimsuit, towel, fishin pole, and maybe a toothbrush and some stuff to shower with--I am good to go. To see the ocean before me, know that it my Savior created it for me to enjoy...and that His love is even greater than the depths and span of it, takes my breath away...

job.
I just want to teach...I just want to use my degree...I just want to do what I was created to do...And it's only been about 3 months that I've actually had that degree. Talk about impatient. Currently, I have applications all over East Texas, Central Texas, North Texas, South Central Texas, the Panhandle, and a few along the coast...and the DoDEA program overseas. A teaching job is probably the single greatest desire in my life right now, so what is the hold up?! First of all, no one is even hiring right now. Second, I think that possibly God has a particular place and a particular group of students He wants to place in my life...so why would I want to be outside the will of God and miss a spectacular blessing???

love.
I'm genuinely concerned that I will never be able to feel this again...which is completely ridiculous when I give myself a reality check. My heart ain't broke...it's just broken in. I'm praying that I don't push people away in the process of finding the person willing to stick around until I drop my guard. :) Not necessarily right now, but in the future, I would even give up teaching to be a wife and a mother. I believe that is my greatest purpose in life. I have a servant's heart and a desire for someone who's life I could make a little easier and better, and with whom to share this crazy adventure called life. However, with that being said, I'm not willing to settle for anything less than the guy that knows this relationship must be firmly grounded in Christ, knows he doesn't deserve me, and is ready to participate in one crazy adventure :)

people.
I just have a tendency to be very impatient with people who take life too seriously and are always worrying about something...ironic, huh? I'm slowly learning to take life day by day and to just relax. I can tell you for sure I'm about 110% better than I was this time last year thanks to the Potter's hands...Anyway back to people. One could assume that I still have patience to acquire before I am blessed with the job and love described above...cause I bet they both require more patience than I have right now...I guess God knows what He's doing.

myself.
There's a problem when my greatest desire right now is a teaching job rather than growing closer to God. How am I supposed to know His will for me if I am not drawing closer to Him???? I am impatient with the process of becoming the person that I want to be (professionally, physically, spiritually, etc.) Pray for me on that one.

peace
...is what I lack because the patience that I need stems from Perfect Peace. So, I think I'll focus on the root of the problem for now :)

So if you read this one looking for advice...I apologize.

Chivalry is dead? Not quite, but who's to blame for a dying breed...

Women. Yep, I said it.

Last night while watching The Quiet Man, one of my favorite John Wayne movies of all time, I found myself wishing that we lived in a time where men still behaved like men and had the utmost respect for women...and pursued them with passion and determination.

I know very very very few women that wouldn't absolutely love a John Wayne of their own...a man of few words that means what he says when he does speak; tall, dark and handsome; not afraid to fight for what he believes in; loves and respects his Maker; would die for what he loves; tender and tough all at the same time; wears a good pair of cowboy boots; treats his woman with the respect she deserves; knows how to keep her in line just by being the man that he is...

So what happened to these men we are so "desperately" searching for??? The key word is desperate. Somewhere along the way, women have completely lost their self-confidence and independence. I'm not a women's right activist or anything by any means - that's not where I'm going with this. Women are relational to the core, so we all desire to have someone to care for and share life with...but at some point we decided to settle for anything. When you start lowering your standards, guys obviously don't have to work so hard. I had a guy say to me word for word, "Why would a guy go for a girl he has to work for? There's like 10 easy ones for every one of those..." What a terrible truth. Women have lost respect for themselves, so men have as well. So please save your breath and don't complain about chivalry being dead when women don't even demand it anymore. I'm not saying that men shouldn't share any of the blame either...but it's human nature to be lazy, so why work for something if you don't have to?

So ladies, find your confidence in the One who is "enthralled by your beauty." Respect the heart, body, and mind you were blessed with enough to wait for only the best. Your Maker created you and knows you heart and desires better than you do. Trust Him to meet your needs. And step it up. Have high expectation for the men that you date--expect to be taken on real dates, expect to have the door held open for you, expect to be spoken to respectfully, and expect to be pursued.

And guys, step up to the plate. Be the man that real women need and deserve. We need guys that know how to have fun without playing games with our hearts. And keep in mind the women you have to work for are the ones who are more than worth it...I'll guarantee it :)

"If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said, he reaches all the way to Heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to save souls. He must be big enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child." -Ruth Bell Graham

Vitamin C and Laughter

...is what I need right now. And actually I would just love to go play outside because it is absolutely GORGEOUS! However, apparently I am an adult now and working full time at a Title Company doesn't allow for much playtime. I guess I'll be content with looking out the window at what I could be enjoying :)

While I have thoroughly enjoyed a quieter College Station with less traffic, I am very ready for school to start again (without the school part for me *tear*) so that everyone will be back (aka the Wolfpack). I do not have a clue what I would do without those girls - we can't even spend a few days apart. I swear we cannot spend more than 5 minutes in a room (or on the phone, or via text, or chat) before we are rolling in laughter. And it always seems that at my most selfish moments they know exactly what to say...sometimes accompanied by some form of physical abuse, haha...just to say "Jess, stop taking life so seriously. We are happier in our lives!" I would definitely say we have learned to love and value every minute of our time together and appreciate the simple, chaotically blissful lives we have been so abundantly blessed with!!!

God works in mysterious ways...wow is that an understatement. It seems as if I am constantly being reminded of some tough dates coming in the near future. Then, at just the right moment I get a little wake up call...like completely losing my voice for the first time in my life. It's like for a whole day God just said "Jess, be QUIET. Listen to what I have to say to you and what I am saying to you through those around you." And then I was in bed for the better part of the next day because I just didn't feel good. So once again, "Jess, just be still." And through all of that, I learned a lot about grace and patience. How selfish of me to think I deserve anything in my timing! Especially when God has continually showed me how much greater His plan is than mine...

I am seriously considering going overseas to teach for about a year. I would be working for the Department of Defense teaching on an American military base, which is an adventure I really THINK I want. But how about we leave this one up to God. The last time He definitively told me to wait, I decided to try it on my own. Needless to say that did not work out so well. I think I will listen this time :) So lift up a prayer for me if you think about it!

"Jess, you think that was good? Watch this...."
-God